Gilbert's Märchen
by DolceFulmine
Summary: It is believed that the abandoned Gutesheim orphanage used to be a happy place. The villagers believe that children could live a carefree life there. However, no-one in town knows what really happened at Gutesheim. Gilbert is the only one who knows the truth. After being away for years, he returns to remember his tragic past and everything that happened at Gutesheim
1. Prologue

Warning: This story is rated T for angst, abuse, mentioning of rape and other topics that are sensitive. Please read at your own risk

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Rahnsdorf, Prussia, July 19th 1753

People are staring at us. They don't say anything, yet I know what they are thinking "What are those high-class men doing here?". I wonder that too. Why did I come back? This ruin is nothing but a grim memory from the past. "Is this the orphanage?" My brother's remark makes me realize why I came here. "Yes, Ludwig this is it. This is the orphanage where I grew up. Shall we enter?" My brother nods and we enter the orphanage.

The inside of the building looks empty. Things like chairs, chandeliers and bookcases are nowhere to be found. It looks as if everything was stolen by thieves. The building that used to look so colourful has become grim. In reality it has been grim since _they_ started to live here, but no-one has ever known that. The bright colours were nothing but an illusion. They made the orphanage look like a happy place where kids could live a carefree live. Reality was anything but that.

"How do you feel Gilbert?" Ludwig asks. How do I feel? I really don't know. The feelings I get from being here are mixed. On one hand I feel blessed that this is neither my, nor anyone's home anymore, but on the other hand I feel bitter, because this hell on earth used to be my home. "...Uncomfortable." Ludwig nods "It must feel strange. Home again after all those years." "It does feel strange, but this place is not my home." There was a time where this building felt like home, but that was long ago. It has been so long that I hardly remember anything of that time. The memories of the hellish years I spent here are long ago as well, yet I remember everything like yesterday "You know what, Ludwig? Home isn't necessarily the place where you grew up. Home is the place where you belong and where you feel loved." My brother smiles at me "So Potsdam is your home!" I nod "Exactly, _Bruder_. Come there's a room I want to show you."

I lead Ludwig to the stairs. The steps are damaged, but still steady enough if you walk carefully. Once I enter the room I notice that it looks just like the rest of the building; empty, abandoned. It hurts me more than I thought it would. This was the only place in this building that has ever been dear to me, the only place where I felt safe in dark times. "Is this her room?" Ludwig asks. I shed a tear. "Yes this was my mother's room. It was my safe haven, but it's all gone now. Even the big chair where we used to read books is gone!" Ludwig pats my back "Maybe we should sit outside." I agree with my brother "There's a courtyard downstairs."

We walk to the courtyard and sit down on the edge of the old fountain. The fresh air outside is calming, yet I can't calm down. As soon as I see the fountain my heart starts to beat fast. The water! I gasp for air! "Something bad happened here!" "I see" Ludwig says "Do you want to go somewhere else?" I shake my head. "No, I want to stay. I think this is the perfect place to tell everything." My brother remains silent. "It's quite a long story _Bruder_. It's fine if you don't want to hear it." "I don't mind if it's long. Please tell me about everything that happened here, and how you got where you are now!" I take a deep breath. "Okay then, I'll tell you everything!"


	2. Chapter 1

_The first step my son,_

 _which one makes in the world,_

 _is the one on which depends the rest of our days_

 _Voltaire_

My life started in a small house in one of the poorest parts of the village. It was halfway January and winter was harsh. My father, who had always had a poor health, died due to the extreme cold. His death devastated my mother a lot. The thought that her husband would never meet his first child was unbearable. The house where my mother lived didn't have proper heating. Inside it was freezing as much as it did outside. In the only room of that house my mother was suffering a , long painful, lonely labor. She felt alone and hopeless as she was screaming for help as there was no doctor to help her. The only one who was there was my grandmother, an old sick lady who didn't have much time left.

As soon as I was born my grandmother smiled " _Einer Jungen!_ " she said happily. But my mother didn't answer. She was lying still on the cold ground. Grandmother checked her pulse, no heartbeat. Her only daughter was dead. She cried without tears as she softly embraced me, a helpless, small baby. Grandmother whispered to me with a soothing voice, as if she wanted to comfort me "Poor little boy. Where will you go once I'm gone? I wish that I was strong enough to help you, but I'm not. I'm sorry little one!" She took the blanket from my mother's corpse, tucked me in and left the small house.

Desperately she walked in the cold wind. She didn't wore shoes nor socks, which made walking nearly impossible. Soon she started to feel fatigue and almost fell down, but no-one turned their head. Seeing poor people like my grandmother was a part of the daily life in the small Prussian village. No-one would be surprised if they saw someone sleeping in dirty old rags. The rich could help the poor, but most of them didn't want to. The poor people, however, really wanted to help each other, but they weren't able to. Finding food and a place to sleep was already too hard for them.

Just when grandmother was about to give up she noticed a rather big building. She walked towards the door and noticed a sign she couldn't read. "I hope this is an orphanage!" She lifted her small fist and knocked on the door. A woman around the age of forty opened. "Is this an orphanage?" Grandma asked. The woman nodded "Come in, it's way too cold outside." My grandmother cried tears of happiness as she entered the building.

"How long have you been outside?" The woman asked. "About 2 hours." "Two hours? Without shoes, in this weather? How terrible!". Her voice woke me up and I started to cry. The woman turned around and looked at me. "Were you walking for this little one?" Grandmother nodded. " _Ja_ , he's my grandson. He's only a few hours old. Both of his parents are dead. I'm his only relative, but…" She broke down crying. "I can't take care of him. I'm too old and too sick! I don't think I'll see next summer. Please take care of him! I don't to leave him alone!"

The woman walked to my grandmother. She held her hand and comforted her. "It's hard to take care of infants in this place. They need milk, which we hardly ever have. However, this little boy might have a chance. Death has hurt our family as well. My grandson died shortly after he was bron. My poor Daughter is overwhelmed with grief. She has locked herself in her room for days, and she hardly speaks to anyone. I think she still has enough milk left to feed a child. Maybe this misery will bring something beautiful as well. I'll ask her if she wants to take care of him "Grandma smiled. Her eyes started to water again "Please take me to her."

Together they walked up the stairs. The woman was carrying me in her arms. As she walked up the stairs carefully, my grandmother was struggling to climb up the stairs. "Ma'am please be careful! It's not good to be too hard on yourself." She knew that very well, but she's always been hard on herself. Not because she wanted to, but because she had have no choice. Poor people like her had two choices; struggling every day to see the next morning, or dying of starvation or illness. My grandmother had chosen the first option. She wanted to live, no matter what.

"Heide?" They stopped at a green door. The woman knocked and waited for a response. "Come in mother." A soft youthful voice whispered. They opened the door and entered. The room was rather big. It had neutral colors, yet a cozy atmosphere. A big wooden chair stood in the corner next to a small bookcase. In the middle was a two-person bed where a girl was resting. She didn't look old at all, fifteen at most. Her brown hair was tied together in a braid, keeping it away from her pale freckled face. She blinked her hazel eyes and looked surprised once she saw what her mother was carrying.

"Heide, I know this comes very unexpected, but I want to ask you something." She told her daughter about my grandmother and how she came here to look for someone who would take care of me. Heide reached her arms. Her mother slowly put me in her embrace " _Hallo kleine_ " she said as she held me for the first time. "Heide I know that a lot of things happened to you recently, and that those things are hard to forget. But, please feed this little boy, he has nowhere else to go?"

Heide put a small part of her blanket around me and stroked my head. "Mother, the loss of my dear Joachim has caused an incredible pain to both of us. It's a pain so horrible that no-one deserves to endure it. I doubt if the pain will ever go away. But this little boy is new to this world. He needs someone who takes care of him. My heart would hurt if I left him all alone. Ma'am I promise you that I will take care of your grandson. I'm sure Joachim would have wanted me to watch over your boy! I will treat him as my own, and raise him with all the love I can give." My grandmother got overwhelmed with joy. She fell down on the ground as she cried tears of happiness. "Thank you so much!"

As soon as my grandmother got up she settled herself on the wooden chair. "Heide,…" The woman smiled at her "My name is Gertrude." "Heide, Gertrude. There is one more favor I have to ask you. I hope you don't mind." Heide smiled at her "Not at all.". Grandmother coughed "The boy doesn't have a name yet. I've never known what his mother wanted to name him. Could you give him a name?" Heide nodded "Let me think…"

She thought for a while. As she was thinking, she looked at me carefully. It was clear that she wanted to give me a name that would suit me. "Gilbert." She said my name with a bright smile "What do you think?" Grandma walked to Heide and gave her a hug "It's the most beautiful name I've ever heard, my child."

My grandmother stood up and gave Gertrude a small bow "Words can't describe how thankful I am. Please take care of my grandson. I think I'll leave now." "Wait!" Gertrude stopped my grandmother "I've got something for you! Please wait here." She left for a while, and came back with a pair of socks and shoes. "Take these ma'am. No-one should walk barefoot in winter!" Grandmother cried "Thank you so much! You are the kindest people I've ever met!" She put on the shoes and walked to me to give me one final goodbye " _Auf Wiedersehen_ Gilbert. I hope you will become a fine young man. Please live a happy life."

Grandma has never seen me again. She must have died a few months, or even days after she left me at the orphanage. I've never known anything about her. Even her name has always been unknown to me. All I know is that she risked her life to save mine, because she loved me very much.


	3. Chapter 2

_Everything is fine,_  
 _That is our greatest illusion._  
 _Voltaire_ (1694-1778)

Heide did exactly what she had promised. She gave me all the love and care she could give me. Despite her young age she was an amazing mother. She raised me as her own child, which made me believe that she really was my mother. Her mother, Gertrude helped her often. I believed that she was my grandmother. Both of them meant the world to me.

Heide and Gertrude often did fun things with me. We played games, and when it was time to shop, Heide would take me and a few other children to the market. At the fields near the market farmers would work every single day. During the summer cornflowers would grow there. I would always stop to stare at them. "They are so pretty!" I could stare at them for hours, imagining that little fairies lived somewhere inside the flower. "Let's go Gilbert. We have to go further" Heide would call if I stayed there for too long. "I'm coming _Mutti_! Can I pluck some of the flowers? I want to make you a crown." "Of course, Gilbert. I'm sure the crown will be as pretty as the last one." After a little while I would follow the group with all the cornflowers I could carry.

At the end of the day everyone would walk home with a small loaf in our hand. I really loved eating bread from the baker, but I never kept the entire loaf for myself. Every single time on our way home, we walked past a homeless boy. He looked slightly older than me, but he was much smaller and tanned. I always offered him half of my bread. It made him so happy. He would always respond in a foreign language. I never knew what language he spoke, nor what he was saying, but I assumed it meant "Thank you.". Heide, who was wearing the flower-crown I made her patted my back "That was very kind of you, Gilbert."

Every single time I looked forward to going to the market. Not because of the cornflowers or the delicious loaf of bread, but because I could see the boy's smile again. I tried asking his name a few times, but he never seemed to understand me. "Maybe he doesn't speak German." Heide would say once I looked at her confusingly. One day when we walked back from the market I noticed that the boy wasn't there. " _Mutti_ , where is the boy?" Heide looked around "I don't know, I think he'll be back the next time." But the next time he wasn't there, just like the all the other days that followed. I started to worry. "Do you know what happened?" Heide shook her head. I sighed "I hope that I'll see him again." I never saw the boy again.

Ever since then I came home upset from the market. Luckily Heide was there to cheer me up. She somehow knew how to convince me that the boy would be okay. It would never take long before I would start to play again. I always made a lot of noise while playing, which is why some of the maids considered me as troublesome. I didn't mind, I always followed the rules so why would I ever get punished?

One day I was crying because one of the maids called me a brat"What that maid says about you is not important" Heide said "As long as you are kind to them, they have no reason to hurt you." I still wasn't convinced. "But the maids are the boss in this place. They say that bad children should be punished." Heide hugged me "But you are not a bad child Gilbert. Come, dinner is ready." I nodded and followed Heide to the kitchen.

After dinner I had to go to bed. It was my favorite time of the day, because Heide would always tell me a bedtime story. Every single time she got a different book. My favorite one was the thick book that was a collection of fairytales. Once she started telling the story I closed my eyes so I could imagine the world she told me about. It was a happy world with a bright blue sky and fields full of cornflowers. Everyone who lived there was a prince or a princess. Sometimes I would imagine myself as a prince.

" _Mutti_?" I asked one day after story time. "What are the people who make stories called?" Heide smiled "They are called writers." "And how do they make those stories?" Heide opened the fairytale book on a random page. "Writers use letters to make words. Then they use words to make sentences. Once they have enough sentences they can create a story." I stared at the pages of the book. "But how do you know which letters make which words?" "You learn that once you know how to read." I closed the book "When can you learn that?" Heide laughed "Oh you can learn how to read any time. Some start to read when they are children, others start when they are very old." I smiled "Can you teach me how to read?" "Of course I can." Heide kissed me on my face "You're already five years old. I think you're old enough now. Shall we start tomorrow." I nodded and wished my 'mother' goodnight. Heide gave me a kiss and blew off the candle on my nights stand.

The next day Heide came to me with many small papers in her hand. "Are those the letters you have to know when you want to read?" Heide nodded "Yes, let's play a game! I show you the card and together we'll look for something that starts with that letter, Okay?" I nodded I grabbed the first card, it had the letter A. Heide pointed at a painting on the wall "A is for art." I put the paper in the painting frame. "Which one is next?" Next was B and after that came C and so on. Eventually Heide showed me the card with the G. "hmm." I started to think. "Oh that one is easy, here." Heide put the card in my hand "G is for Gilbert." She tickled me and I started to laugh. "The next one is easy too! It's the H, my name starts with an H." I laughed " _Mutti_ , you are so smart! Do you think I will be able to read soon?" Heide nodded "You need to learn the letters first. But as soon as you know how to make words, you can read them as well. " I smiled and got really determined to learn all letters.

Back in those days life in the orphanage was still easy. I had Gertrude, whom I knew as 'grandma' back then and Heide, whom I always called _Mutti_. There were some kids I didn't like and some of the maids were grumpy, but we could ignore that. We were a happy family and very close to each other. We had plenty of food and thanks to Heide I got a chance to learn how to read, something that wasn't natural for orphans. Behind the walls of the orphanage we were safe and sound. We were incredibly happy and lived a carefree life. But that would not last forever. Not long after my seventh birthday, everything would change.


	4. Chapter 3

_To learn who rules over you_  
 _Simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

One day after I celebrated my seventh birthday, Heide and I came home from the market. I was walking proudly because I could read most of the words from the bakery's sign. " _Mutti_ , do you think I can read big books soon?" Heide laughed "I think so Gilbert, you're a very good reader." When Heide opened the door she heard the sound of a woman crying. "Is that _Großmutti_?" I asked. "Yes, this sounds like mom." Heide said "Stay here Gilbert I'm going to check on her."

For a little while I did what Heide said, but that didn't last long. It was hard to listen to Gertrude's cries, but doing nothing was even harder. I stood up and walked towards the sound. When I was about to enter the room I hesitated. "Will they get angry if I interrupt?" I could hear Heide comforting her mother, but Gertrude continued weeping. "I think I should help them." I said to myself. I knocked the door and opened it slowly. Heide turned around "Gilbert! I told you not to come here!" "But _Mutti_ I want to help." "That's very kind of you Gilbert, but it's a bit complicated. I think it's the best if you just play outside." Gertrude shook her head "I think he should know, Heide. He'll also notice that things are going to change?"

" _Was ist los_?" I asked silently. Gertrude sighed "The owner of this orphanage has sold this building. It'll get a new owner." The news confused me. "Why did he do that?" Gertrude's eyes started to water "He's terminally ill, Gilbert. He will die soon." "Does that mean that we will have to leave the orphanage?" "I don't know." She grabbed a napkin and dried her eyes. "He told us that the new owner will let everyone stay, but I'm not sure about that." Heide sighed "I'd met the new owner yesterday. I might be wrong, but I don't trust him." I started to cry a little bit "I'm scared! Where do we have to go if we have to leave? And how should I know if the new owner is nice?" Heide hugged me "I also don't know sweetheart. But we should worry about that once it's going to happen. Let's live happily like we always did. We can think about it later." I nodded and decided to play outside.

Despite Heide's advice I was still very worried. It was unsure if our little family would be able to stay in the oprhanage, and if we could we would not know how we would be treated by the new owners. My worries started to disappear when I heard the children talking about the new owner. "He is a nice man!" a girl said to one of the maids. "He also has a daughter!" a boy said "He told me that she is a teacher. She will teach us a lot of new things!" I smiled "A teacher?" I thought "That's' great, I wonder what she's going to teach us."

A few days later the owner of the orphanage passed away in his sleep. Our family was sad about it, even though we knew it was going to happen. Despite the grief I felt, I was still very excited to meet the new owner. One day later everyone was standing outside. All of us wore the fanciest clothes we had, even the maids. " _Mutti_ , I can't see anything. Everyone is so much taller than I am!" I complained. Heide put her arms around my waist and lifted me. She allowed me to sit on her shoulders "Better?" I nodded.

"There he is!" a girl yelled once I saw a black wagon in front of the gate. The door opened, and two people came out. The first one was a thin woman, who was rather tall. She looked like she was in her late thirties. The second person was the complete opposite of the woman. He was a thick older man who hardly had a neck. Once they came closer the children started to cheer. I could see the duo's facial expression. They didn't look happy, nor sad. The look on their face was rather serious. " _Mutti_ , can you put me down? I want to greet them." Heide put me down and I ran towards the woman. "Hello! My name is Gilbert." I said. The woman looked at me for a while, she didn't say anything and continued walking. I was disappointed "Did I do something wrong?" I asked Heide. She shook her head "Not at all. Maybe she just had a bad day."

A few days later our first class started. I was so excited that I wore my Sunday clothes. "Have fun sweetheart." Heide said after she kissed my forehead. Happily I ran downstairs. When I walked to the classroom no-one was there. I waited at the hallway until the rest of the class arrived. Not much later the woman came. She told us to enter the classroom. I followed the group and settled down on the chair in the front row.

"My name is Miss Maria, and welcome to your first day of school." The teacher cleared her throat. "Before I want to start class I want to tell you something. The new owner and I are the boss of this place. Everyone has to listen to us, even the maids. Those who don't listen to us will be severely punished, whether you're a child or a maid. Do you understand this children?" "Yes Miss Maria!" Everyone said simultaneously. "Good, then let's start your first class."

The first few months everything went well in the little school. Thanks to Heide I already knew most things we learnt in class. I would always get good grades, which made me very proud of myself. However, around winter a new boy came to my class. His name was Hansel. He came here because both of his parents died of smallpox. At first I tried to befriend him, but Hansel wasn't interested in being friends. One day after school he pushed me down. I fell into the snow.

"Why did you do that?" I asked "What did I ever do to you?". "You are stupid!" he said. "What?" "You think you are smart, because you're good at reading. But you're not. You are stupid." I was very confused. What was Hansel talking about? "You are just jealous!" I said angrily. "Shut up!" Hansel kicked me in my stomach. I started to cry "Stop it! Stop hurting me! If you don't stop I'm going to tell _Mutti_!" Hansel laughed out loud "Oh I'm so scared! That stupid maid will sure teach me a lesson." He sounded sarcastic. "Just kidding, that maid can't do anything to me. Besides..." Hansel grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards him. He looked me in the eyes and smiled "That maid isn't even your mother."

To be continued


	5. Chapter 4

_It is dangerous to be right_  
 _in matters where established men are wrong._

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

I didn't understand it at all. Why would he say that Heide was not my mother. "What makes you even think that!" I yelled with rage. "Children always look a bit like their parents, but you don't look like her, so she can't be your mother!" Hansel's words made me furious. I could feel my heart beating fast, and before I knew it I lost control over myself. I made my hand into a fist and punched the boy in his face. "You're a liar!" Angrily I ran away as tears fell down on the ground.

"Gilbert, what happened? You look like you've fallen down!" Heide asked. I tried to dry my eyes and told her that Hansel pushed me down. "That's mean! You should tell your teacher that he did that! Do you know why he did that to you?" I shook my head. " _Mutti_ , may I ask you something?" She nodded. Tears started to stream down my face, this time I couldn't dry them "Hansel told me that you are not my real _Mutti_ , is that true?" Heide's concerned expression changed immediately. My question shocked her so much that she looked as if she was paralyzed. "Is it true?" I repeated. Heide took a deep breath "It's a long story my boy." "I don't care." I said "Please, tell me _Mutti_."

Heide was silent for a while. She was thinking about the right way to tell me. "You see Gilbert, most mothers raise the children they had in their belly. But some of them can't. The children of those mothers get adopted, which means that another woman takes care of them." "Does that mean I'm adopted?" Heide nodded. "Can I still call you _Mutti_?" I asked while crying in Heide's arms. "Of course!" Heide said as she stroked my platinum locks.

"But what happened to my other Mother?" I asked. Heide sighed "She died shortly after you were born." "Really? That's sad!" I started to cry even more. My cheeks started to hurt because of the salty tears that were streaming down. I tried to dry my eyes with Heide's apron. "But how did I get here." Heide put me on her lap and told me the story of my grandmother. I couldn't believe my ears. "Why did she go through the snow without shoes or socks?" "Because she loved you."

Gertrude came in "What was all that noise?" she asked. "He knows." Heide said. Gertrude looked shocked "Oh dear, already?". Heide nodded. "A boy from his class mentioned how we don't look alike. Don't worry mother, Gilbert is okay now. Right?" "Ja, _Mutti_ ! Tomorrow I will tell miss Maria about it. I want to go to bed now. Will you tell me a story?" Heide lifted me "Of course I will."

" _Mutti_?" I asked after Heide finished her bedtime story. "What is it?". I was quiet for a few seconds "Do you think my other mother loved me?" "Yes, I think so." I smiled "Do you know what she looked like?" Heide shook her head "I've never met her, my boy." "Can you try to guess what she looked like?" She put the book in the closet. "I'll try, let me think. "After thinking for a while Heide pointed at my hair "I think she had the same hair color as you, and..." She looked at me carefully. "She must have had a thin face just like yours. Same nose, same reddish-brown eyes." I laughed "She looks like me!" "Yes, most parents look like their children, so I think she resembled you." I yawned and blew out the candle "I feel sleepy, good night _Mutti_." "Good night." As Heide was leaving the room I slowly fell asleep.

The next day I stood up early, to make sure that I would be in time for school. When I arrived at the classroom I saw Hansel standing next to miss Maria. "There you are Gilbert!" miss Maria said "Come with me now! I need to have a word with you!" Nervously I followed miss Maria. "Why does she look so angry?" I wondered.

"Gilbert, Hansel told me that you punched him? Is that true?" I started to shake out of fear. "Should I tell the truth?" As I took a deep breath I nodded. "Why did you do that?". I was about to cry but I tried to hold back my tears. Still furious I told miss Maria about everything that happened after school. "He's lying!" Hansel yelled "Why would I ever do that? I'm not lying! You are lying!" Just when I was about to walk towards Hansel miss Maria grabbed my wrist. "Hansel, you can go now. I'll make sure Gilbert gets punished." Hansel nodded and left the classroom.

Maria released my wrist. Her grip was so strong that my arm started to hurt. "I don't like it when people lie to me!" "B-But I'm not lying!" I said slightly trembling. I suddenly felt something on my face. It was a warm feeling, yet it hurt a lot. I put my hand on my cheek, it felt as if something was beating inside of it. "Stop lying to me! You keep looking away and you're trembling. That's the proof that you're lying." "But.." "Do you want me to hit you again?" Maria yelled angrily. Out of fear I started to cry as I shook my head. "Now don't whine, only babies do that! Listen, it is absolutely unacceptable to hurt children, so is lying to your teacher. So if you are ever going to do that again. I'll punish you even more, understood? " I dried my eyes and nodded. "Good, now sit down." I did what my teacher said.

The day felt much longer than it was. I felt incredibly uncomfortable in class, and I was very scared to make miss Maria even angrier. Out of fear of being hit again I tried my best to be quiet, even at the playground. At the end of the day Maria called me at her desk once again. "Did I do something wrong, miss Maria?" I asked. She shook her head" Surprisingly not, but I forgot to tell you one thing. No matter what happens, don't tell little miss Heide that I punish you when you're bad. If I'll ever find out that you did, I will give you a punishment much harsher than you can imagine, and you don't want that do you?" I looked at the ground and shook my head. "Thought so! Now, go home!"


	6. Chapter 5

_To hold a pen is to be at war._

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

"Happy birthday Gilbert! _Mein Gott_ eight already!" Heide kissed my cheeks and gave me a present. It had a square shape and it was packed in simple white paper. "Is this a book?" I asked. "You can find out yourself!" Gertrude said "Open it!" Enthusiastically I tore the white paper, and I was right, it really was a book. Once I opened it I noticed something strange. "Are you sure that the book maker didn't make a mistake? The pages are blank!" Heide laughed "You'll find out when you open grandma's present." Gertrude walked to me and gave me a small pocket "Happy birthday dear." I opened the pocket and was very delighted. "Quill and Ink! Are you telling me that I can write my own stories now?" Both Heide and Gertrude nodded. "That's awesome!" Overwhelmed with joy I ran into their embrace. "I love you so much!"

As I let them go Gertrude started to cough. "Grandma are you okay?" I asked concernedly. "It's nothing, dear. I feel fine." Her voice sounded sore. "Mother, maybe you should drink some water. You sound a bit ..." Gertrude nodded she told us that she'd go outside to fetch some water. "Don't worry I'll be fine. Just celebrate your birthday Gilbert! It would be a waste to worry on this special day." Despite I was still worried, I agreed with my adoptive grandmother. It was my birthday, I was supposed to have fun. Besides, I had a brand new book and a quill. "I think I should try to write a story!" I said. "Great idea!" Heide smiled at me "You can use the desk in my room!" Happily I ran to Heide's room. I sat down, opened my book and started to think.

After a few minutes, I was still thinking. "What should I write about?" after tapping on the desk a few times I got an idea; "Maybe _Mutti_ knows" Heide laughed and told me to write about something I liked. "Can you write a story about cornflowers?" I asked. "Of course!" Heide said as she replaced the candle on my desk. "You can write about everything. When you were little you used to think that small fairies lived in the leafs of cornflowers." "Oh I remember. I'm going to write about those fairies. Thank you _Mutti_!" I hugged Heide and started to write. The words in my notebook looked sloppy, but they were still readable. The first story I wrote was a happy story about a curious fairy, who wanted to see all the flowers in the field. The story was written like a children's book, it even had pictures on every single page.

At dusk I went to Gertrude's room. "Grandma, are you asleep?" I whispered. "No" Gertrude said, she sounded much weaker than she sounded in the morning. "I wrote you a bedtime story. Shall I read it to you?" Gertrude nodded and told me to sit next to her. Proudly I opened my book and told her the story. "Such a beautiful story Gilbert. It reminds me of an old saying. 'Home is where the heart is.'. Do you know that saying." I shook my head. "It means that home is the best place on earth." I laughed and hugged her. "What are you doing?" Heide asked curiously as she opened the door. " _Mutti,_ I read grandma my story! She liked it!". "That's so kind Gilbert. But I think you should go now. Grandma is very tired. She needs to rest a lot. I hope you understand." I kissed Gertrude on her cheek. "Of course I do. Goodnight Grandma, I love you." My adoptive grandmother smiled at me "I love you too."

The next morning I woke up rather late. " _Mutti_ did not come to wake me, how strange! Maybe I should look for her." In a hurry I put on my clothes and left my room. As I walked towards the stairs I could hear the sound of a young woman weeping. " _Mutti?_ " I walked to the stairs slowly and saw Heide sitting downstairs. She buried her face in her apron. "Gilbert?" she stood up and walked to me. She gave me a hug. I could feel her face was wet. "I think you shouldn't go to school today, because I have bad news. My mother went to heaven tonight, she's dead."

For a moment I didn't believe Heide at all. " _Großmutti_ told me that she was fine yesterday. How could she suddenly?" But then I noticed Heide's expression. Her face looked red and was covered with tears. She constantly made weeping noises, as if it was hard for her to breathe. It was clear that Heide was in shock and that the emotions she felt were intense. "Her heart just stopped beating. I know it's hard to believe! I wish it wasn't true!" I started to cry and hugged my mother "What are we going to do now?" "For now it's the best to just mourn."

The first few days after Gertrude's death were terrible. I spent most of the days in bed, not doing anything. Sometimes Heide would come to my room asking me if I wanted to do something. I always shook my head. All I could do was talk about my adoptive grandmother. "Do you know where _Großmutti_ is now?" Heide nodded "She must be somewhere in heaven, which is a very nice place." I sighed "Is it bad to miss her, even if she is in a nice place?" Heide shook her head and tried to calm me down. Being with her made me feel at ease. She understood how hard it was to deal with the loss of a loved one, and allowed me to take my time. Thanks to her I slowly started to feel better.

One week later I had the courage to go back to school again. "My classmates will understand me." I thought "Maybe Hansel will leave me alone."But almost immediately after I arrived thing I noticed I was wrong. Most of my classmates ignored me and some of them even looked at me with angry or teasing expressions and I didn't understand why. "Did Hansel tell them bad things about me?" I hated the way they looked at me, but I realized that confronting them could cause troubles. In the end ignoring them was the best choice.

During the breaks I was all alone. I didn't want to talk to anyone so I hid somewhere behind a tree. To kill time I started to make up stories in my head. My bright imagination comforted me. It allowed me to be in a fairytale world for a little while.

While I was imagining something during the last break I felt something wet in my back. I turned around and saw Hansel with an empty bucket. He started to laugh. "Leave me alone!" I yelled and ran away. Miss Maria called everyone to go inside. As I followed the group she grabbed my wrist. "I want to talk with you after school."

"Gilbert why did you stay home for such a long time?" miss. Maria asked after everyone left. I told her about Gertrude's death, but she was still angry. "You know, so many children came to me with horrible stories about you, this passed week. They say that you are very mean." Maria grabbed me with all her might. I tried to escape but all my attempts were in vain. "But.." "Don't tell me you didn't do anything! Do you really think I would believe that all those children were lying? " She hit me against the wall, and repeated the hits a few times. I begged her to stop, but she didn't. After about four hits she sent me home and warned me to never hurt anyone again.

At home the back of my head started to hurt a lot. The beating pain bothered me so much that it made me cry. "Why does she hurt me so often? Why won't she ever believe me?" I sat on my chair and thought about something Heide told me about sad stories. "Some writers write sad stories to relieve their pain. It makes them feel better." I dried my eyes and said to myself; "Maybe I should try that too." I walked to the cupboard and grabbed my notebook. As tears fell down on the blank pages I wrote my pain away.


	7. Chapter 6

_Tears are the silent language of grief_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

Ever since Gertrude's death, life at the orphanage got harder. Most children would continue ignoring me or even bully me once in a while. No matter how hard I tried to ignore the teasing remarks, the bullying would never stop. If Miss Maria caught Hansel teasing me, Hansel would find a way to talk himself out of it and blame me instead. Sometimes she'd hit me in the face and warn me, but most of the time Miss Maria would give me a punishment much worse than that. The worst kind of punishments were the ones that didn't involve physical violence.

"Didn't your mother teach you some manners?" She asked after Hansel claimed that I threw him against a stone wall. Despite the fact that I was in a place where no-one could hear me, I was still afraid to make noise. "My r-real mother is dead" I said silently. "Oh I remember now!" Miss Maria laughed. "Oh boy, she is very lucky, you know that? At least she doesn't have to see how much of a disappointment her only son turned out to be." She knelt down and looked me in the eyes. "You are a sick child, you know? You don't obey your teacher and you hardly ever socialize with other children. You are not normal, that's why you don't belong in this world!" "Stop! That's not true! I," I yelled with all my might. Maria grabbed my shoulders and smiled "You think you're smarter than me huh? Oh you little brat, I'm your teacher and I'm always right!" "I will tell Mutti what you said!" Miss Maria was a bad person, but there was one thing she was really good at; manipulating.

"I'm Heide's boss as well. So if I ever find out that you told her about this conversation, I will punish her as well." My eyes started to water. How could she do that? Heide had never done anything wrong. She cared for me and had always protected me. Why would she deserve such cruel treatment? "No, not that! Anything, but that?". "So you don't want your dear maid to be punished?" With tears in my eyes I shook my head. "Then shut your mouth brat. Don't tell anything about today, or any other punishment. If you do, I'll hit you so hard that your face will hurt forever! Go home!"

As Heide saw me walking she would always look sad. She never asked me "How was school today?" because she knew the answer would always be the same. After school Heide would take me to her room. It was the only place in the orphanage where I felt safe. She'd sit in the brown rocking chair with me on her lap. In order to comfort me she would read me a story. Her soothing voice calmed me down, and made me forget the worries of the world.

One day in November I was sitting on Heide's lap. She asked me "Do you like miss Maria?" I was silent. I didn't like Miss Maria, on the contrary, I hated her so much. But I couldn't tell Heide the truth. If I would we would both be punished. However, I also couldn't bear lying to her. "Why do you ask me?" Heide sighed "I don't trust her. You see, I have told her about the bullying so many times, and..." She bit her lips. "And what?" I asked. "She says that I'm exaggerating, and that I'm imagining stuff, and..." a tear streamed down her face. "Never mind. I don't like Maria at all. Don't tell her that I said that to you. This is our little secret, okay?" I nodded. For a little while I wanted to tell Heide about how cruel Maria really was, but then I remembered her threats. Getting Heide in troubles was the last thing I wanted, so I decided to say nothing.

The next day Miss Maria wasn't in school. A young maid, named Ida was told to take over her classes, since Maria would visit a family member out of town. Despite the fact that Miss Maria was away, Hansel and his group still decided to bully me during the break. They pushed me down on the floor and started to pull my hair and clothes. They were laughing as I was silently weeping. "What's going on here?" Ida walked towards the group. "He said he would kick me in the face!" Hansel said. "Yeah!" his friends yelled simultaneously. "I can see that you are lying Hansel." He looked shocked after hearing those words. Nervously he shook his head. "You are lying Hansel! It's very clear. Kids, bullying other children is incredibly mean. You are not allowed to do that, that's why you'll all have detention at the end of the day. Now leave Gilbert alone!" The crowd nodded and left immediately.

"There, there." Ida knelt down and reached out her hand. "Shall I help you get up?" I took her hand and got up slowly. As I stood up I noticed that a scratch on my knee started to bleed. "Oh, dear, you're hurt! We have to clean this wound! Come, I'll take you to the well." Ida took my hand, and together we walked to the well. "You can sit here." She pointed at a rock next to the well. I sat down and watched how she put a napkin in the fresh water.

As Ida was cleaning my wound she started to talk to me. "Does this happen often?" she asked. I nodded. "And Miss Maria does nothing to stop them?" I shook my head. "She believes Hansel's lies." "I see." Ida wiped the napkin over my wound. It felt like I had a small burn. "I hate the way Maria punishes children. I heard her yell very often. Some children told me that they're scared of her. Are you scared too?" she whispered. "No, I'm not scared." I said as I was thrembling. I didn't dare to tell the truth. What if she'd tell Miss Maria? "She told you something, didn't she?" rapidly I shook my head. "That filthy witch! Named after a saint, but as evil as a demon!" "What did you say Miss Ida?" "Nothing, dear. I think the wound is clean now. Let's go back."

Before we left Ida allowed me to drink some water from the well. "Miss Ida? When will Miss Maria return?" "The day after tomorrow." Her remark made me feel sad. "I'll miss you Miss Ida, but I'll be fine. Heide will always be there for me." Ida smiled "Heide? Isn't that the maid with the brown braid?" I nodded "She raised me when I was a baby, that's why she's my _Mutti_! Oh there she is! _Hallo Mutti_!" I ran through the gate and embraced my mother. "Hello Gilbert you look happy!" I let her go and nodded "Today miss Ida was my teacher. She is really nice." Heide smiled and kissed my forehead, she pointed at my wound and asked me what happened. "I fell down, but don't worry. Miss Ida cleaned the wound very well. Let's go now." I took Heide's hand and waved Ida goodbye. I felt very happy that day. As long as Ida was my teacher I didn't have to worry about bullies or Miss Maria's punishment. The only thing that made me sad, was that I knew that it was temporary and that Miss Maria would eventually return.

To be continued


	8. Chapter 7

_Nothing is more dangerous_  
 _than ignorance and intolerance_  
 _armed with power_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

It was morning yet it was still dark outside. Suddenly I heard a knock on my door. "Gilbert are you awake?" "Ja _Mutti_!" I replied. Heide opened the door "May I enter?" I nodded and Heide walked to me. "You left this in my room yesterday." she showed me my notebook and put it on my nightstand.

"The stories you write are lovely, but the one about the boy that was being bullied was very sad. Were you feeling sad when you wrote it?" I nodded. "Was it about Hansel?" she asked. "Ja. Miss Maria is back, so he'll bully me again." I sighed and put on my shoes. Heide walked to me and patted my back "You really have to stand up for yourself Gilbert. The things Hansel does are unacceptable.". "I know!" I cried"But I don't want to be violent towards him or anyone else. Besides, Hansel and his group are with so many, I can't stop them on my own." Heide gave me a napkin to dry my eyes and told me that there was no need to use violence in order to stand up for myself. "Then what do you have to do if you can't push them away?" "Use words! Tell them that what they are doing is wrong. Make clear that there's no way that they can push you down, okay!" I nodded and prepared myself for school.

It did not take long before Hansel started to pick on me again. I followed Heide's advice and defended myself with words. "You think that I'm a coward, don't you?" He laughed and nodded. "Well I think you're a coward too. Picking on other people is lame!" Hansel got furious. "What did you just say?" he yelled as he made his hand into a fist. He tried to hit me, but luckily I could stop him in time. "Just leave me alone, will you!" I yelled. Suddenly I heard footsteps coming closer. I turned around and saw that it was Miss Maria. "Gilbert, leave Hansel alone and come with me!" Before I could say anything she grabbed my wrist and dragged me away. "You are in big trouble, little brat."

Miss Maria kept me in a separate room until the break was over. After all the kids were sent inside, she returned and pulled my hair. "What did I tell you about Heide?" I started to shiver "To not tell her about the punishments." Miss Maria nodded. She was so furious that her face turned red. "Exactly. I told you so many times not to tell her, yet you still did it!" I was shocked. Why would she think that I told Heide about the punishments? I never told her anything about it, despite the fact I really wanted her to help me. "You are very bad Gilbert! And what do bad people deserve?" A chill was running down my spine. I knew that Miss Maria wanted me to say that I deserved punishment, but I refused to say that. Instead I decided to give an answer that Miss Maria would disapprove of.

"Bad people deserve punishment, but I'm not bad, unlike you. You are evil Maria! That's why you are the one that deserves punishment." "Excuse me!" Miss Maria yelled so hard that it hurt my ears. She grabbed the back of my shirt and pushed me down. "And do you know why you are evil? Because you hurt children! Hurting children is forbidden!" I cried. Maria laughed "Since when are you the one who makes the rules? I'm your teacher, I can do whatever I want with you." She dragged me to the fountain in the courtyard and forced me to sit on my knees. "I punished you so many times for your rude behavior. I thought you learnt your lesson, but I was wrong. It's time to wash that foul mouth of yours!"

Before I knew Miss Maria grabbed my head and pushed me in the fountain. She kept me underwater for a few seconds before she started to yell at me again. "You know what? Heide made a big mistake spoiling you like that. You are a little useless brat. Besides you also benefit from other people's misfortune. Disgusting!" That last sentence confused me. What was she talking about? "Want do you mean?" I asked anxiously. Miss Maria pulled my hair. "Well, if that sweet little maid of yours wasn't raped back then, then you wouldn't even be alive." She pushed me under water again. I thought it would only last a few seconds, but I was wrong. She kept me underwater for more than a minute. I started to panic. Was she trying to drown me? I tried to escape, but all my attempts were in vain. Just when I was starting to get dizzy I felt that Miss Maria's grip was getting weaker. I managed to escape and got to the surface. When I turned around I saw that Heide was standing in front of Miss Maria. Her Hazel eyes that had always looked so friendly were filled with raging fire.

"What the hell were you doing to my son?" she yelled. Miss Maria stayed calm "I gave him what he deserved." "I knew that there was something wrong with your way of teaching. You abuse your pupils, don't you?" I hid behind Heide's back and saw that Miss Maria was shaking her head. "Gilbert?" Heide asked "Has Miss Maria ever hurt you?" I nodded. "Every single day?" My legs started to shake as I nodded again. "You monster!" Heide looked Miss Maria in the eyes. It was the first time I'd seen her so angry. "You claim to be a good person, but you are anything but that! How dare you to do such terrible things to innocent children." "He's lying!" "My son never lies, you despicable witch! How dare you to call yourself a teacher when you take away a child's right to be safe? Someone like you should not even come near to children." I pulled my mother's skirt and I apologized for getting her into trouble. "Don't be sorry Gilbert. It's not your fault that this witch was hurting you. I advise you to go back to your room. Don't worry I'll be back in a minute."

After about half an hour Heide entered my room. She looked devastated. "What's wrong Mutti?" Heide sat down on my bed and sighed. "Maria told the owner some terrible lies. He wants to talk to me. I have a bad feeling about this." I sat down next to my mother and hesitated for a while. "Rape what does that mean?" I wondered "I want to ask Heide. But should I?". In the end I decided to ask her. "Miss Maria said a word to me I didn't know. Raped, I think. What does it mean?" Heide looked shocked. "Is it a bad word?" Her pupils got very wide as tears rolled down her cheek. "That witch!" She got up and told me that she'd go to the owner. "Stay here! You shouldn't talk to that kind of people!" And she left the room. The longer I stayed in my room the more uncomfortable I started to feel. "Are they talking about me?", "Is something bad going to happen?" were the things that were constantly crossing my mind. It didn't take long before I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and walked to the room of the owner.

"You dirty whore! Stop blaming Maria for things she has never done. She would never hurt an innocent child." I decided not to interrupt them. The director sounded very angry, and I heard things falling down. I held my ears towards the wall. "B-But..." "Stop interrupting me, maid! The way you talked about Maria is unacceptable! You're fired. Leave this place and take that dirty rat with you!" I heard a loud smack. The sound filled me with rage. I couldn't control myself anymore. I opened the door and threw it against the wall. "Gilbert?" Heide said surprised. "You monster!" I shouted. I ran towards the orphanage's owner and tried to hit him, but Heide stopped me. "I hate you! Both of you! How dare you to hit my _Mutti_!" I cried as my breathing got faster. "Hush, Gilbert! Let's leave now, they're not worth it!" Heide lifted me and walked outside the room. "I hope I'll never see you again!" I yelled from the distance

Back in my room Heide was packing our stuff. "You heard everything, didn't you?" I nodded "We have to leave this house. But where will we go now?" Heide kissed my forehead "I don't know sweetheart. The road will be long and hard. But we'll fight, to make sure that we'll be okay." I nodded and grabbed my notebook "Can I take my stories?" "Of course" After a few minutes we were done packing. We walked towards the exit of the orphanage. Before we left I turned around one last time. Hansel was standing in the hallway. He was crying. At that moment I didn't pay much attention to it, but as I got older I realized that Hansel was a victim as well.


	9. Chapter 8

**_Dear Everyone,_**

 ** _I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my story. The fact that people from all over the world enjoy my stories means a lot to me. Feel free to leave a comment. I hope each and everyone of you will have a lovely time. Now let's continue this story, shall we?_**

* * *

 _Life is a shipwreck_  
 _But we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats_  
 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

"Gutesheim orphanage" I read the sign next to the door and realized that the name didn't suit the place at all. "Gutesheim means good home, but the orphanage is a terrible place. " I said to Heide while crying. Heide knelt down and comforted me. "I know, that's why we are going away." "But where will we go." My adoptive mother sighed "We'll figure that out later. First we need money to get out of this village. "The money we took with us was just enough to buy a small loaf of bread. I started to worry. "The wagon is very expansive. How will we get enough money to get out of Rahnsdorf?" Heide took a deep breath "By begging. Come Gilbert, let's get away from here."

The wind that blew in my face was strong and ice cold. It was hard to walk forwards and soon I started to shiver. There weren't many people on the streets. Nearly everyone was sitting inside in their warm, comfortable house, warming their hands at the furnish. "Can you wait here for a while?" Heide asked when we stopped in a quiet alleyway. "What are you going to do?" I asked nervously. "I'm going to the center to get some money. Don't worry I'll return here when the sun goes down, which is very soon. Okay?" I nodded and sat down on the ground.

It felt as if time was passing very slowly. I was alone and all I could do was watching the people who came and went. Sometimes I would get out of the alleyway to ask people for money, however, no-one gave anything to me. Most people would ignore me, or tell me that they didn't have anything to give me. Some of them would even get angry, call me scum and even spit in my face. It made me feel terrible. After a while I decided to stop begging. It had no use. I sat down and remembered the homeless boy I used to see long ago. "Is this what he felt every single day?" I thought. "I hope he is doing well!"

"Did you lose your parents too?" A little girl interrupted my thoughts. "No my mother is... at the market she'll return soon." The girl started to cry "I lost my daddy! He will never find me!" "Hey don't cry1 I'm sure he will find you soon." My encouragement didn't help. The girl kept crying. "Do you like fairytales?" I asked. The girl nodded. "I like to write them. I've got some in this book. Do you want to hear them?" She dried her eyes and settled next to me. As I told my stories I realized how happy the girl looked. "Do you like my fairytales?" she nodded "When I am a mommy I'm going to tell your stories to my kids." Her words made me feel warm. Despite my poor conditions I cheered up a sad child. it filled me with joy. "Hannelore?" a tall pale man called. "It's my daddy!" the girl said. She got a coin from her bag and gave it to me. "Thank you for the fairytales."

A little while later Heide returned. She looked very sad about something. "I've got enough money for the wagon. Let's go!" I took my mother's hand and started to walk with her. After a five minute walk we arrived at the wagon. Heide gave the money to the horse rider and we hopped on. "Where are we going?" I asked when we started to ride. "To the center of Berlin, the capital of Prussia." "How did you get enough money so quickly?" Heide bit her lip and whispered in my ear. "I can't tell you, you are too young to understand." "But I want to understand." "Trust me Gilbert you don't. The things I had to do for those banknotes are... very gross. Even though we can get out of town now, I regret earning them." Tears were streaming down her eyes. I could see that Heide really felt upset. "I'm sorry Mutti." Heide patted my back "It's okay. You couldn't know."

It didn't take long before we reached the center of Berlin. Despite the fact that it wasn't far from Rahnsdorf Berlin looked completely different. The streets were very busy, and the lanterns made the city look colorful, even after sunset. As I hopped off the wagon I noticed a poster on the wall. Underneath the drawing of a young boy playing piano were black curly letters. I walked towards the wall and read the words on the poster. "Roderich Edelstein, 20 November" I couldn't read the other letters, as they had faded too much. "20 November, that's today isn't it?" Heide nodded "Roderich Edelstein, I've heard a lot about him. He is a wunderkind from the Habsburg Empire. He is only a few years older than you Gilbert." "I would love to hear his music one day. I'm sure it will sound amazing"

We still had a bit of money left. We walked to the bakery and bought two small loafs of bread. After we ate we started to beg again. Once again we didn't have a lot of success. The many people that passed by ignored us. They were too busy to notice someone in need. After a few hours of wandering through the streets my feet started to hurt. "I'm tired Mutti." Heide picked me up "It's already getting late, let's find a place to rest."

Heide carried me until we left the center of Berlin. It wasn't that busy outside the center, which I enjoyed a lot. Soon we passed a fancy looking building. "Mutti, I hear music. Is that the wunderkind?" "Maybe." "Maybe we should rest near the building, so we can hear the rest of it." Heide nodded she took my hand and walked towards the building. I settled down and leaned against a wall. Despite being outside the concert hall, I could hear the music very well. It was incredibly beautiful. The harmonic sound of the piano relaxed me. For a moment it felt as if I was dreaming a beautiful dream.

"It's nice isn't it?" Heide leaned against me. I nodded "Mutti, do you have any dreams for the future?" "Of course." "Then what is your dream?" Heide smiled "My biggest dream is that you will be happy for the rest of your life." I chuckled "Really?" She nodded. "I used to dream of living in a big house near the beach, but now I have another dream." Heide laughed "Tell me." "My dream is that your dream will become true. Because when that happens both of us will be happy." I hugged my adoptive mother. She felt warm. "I love you Mutti."

Suddenly I noticed that the door opened. I peeked around the corner and noticed a boy. He had dark brown hair that looked very neat. His clothes looked fancy too, even his glasses looked like they were very expansive. His black coat was clearly made of silk. "Who's there?" The boy said. I quickly turned around. "He noticed us!" I thought about a place to hide, but it was too late, the boy walked around the corner. "Were you listing to my music?" "I-I am sorry" I stuttered. The boy smiled "Don't be. Music is for everyone, that's why I think all concerts should be free. You have the right to listen! Just like the rich people who paid for it. Oh excuse me, my name is Roderich Edelstein." I laughed "We know! We saw you on the poster." Roderich smiled "What's your name?" "Gilbert, and this is my mother, her name's Heide." "Roderich, the break's over!" "I'm coming. Excuse me I have to go. Please enjoy my performance." He waved at us and ran inside.

We spent the entire evening at the concert hall. The concert lasted until midnight, yet I stayed up because I wanted to hear every single serenade. After the concert was over I could see rich people everywhere. They were smiling and some of them were acting a little bit silly. Roderich was the last one to leave the building. He walked to the wagon at the gate and got a suitcase. To my surprise he walked towards us and opened the suitcase. Inside was a blanket. "Here, you can have it, Gilbert." "Don't you need it on your trip home?" Roderich laughed "No I don't! You need it more than I do. Mom will not be glad when she hears that I gave something away, but that doesn't matter. I'll be okay." "Thank you Roderich, you are too kind." I said "Have a good journey home!" Roderich nodded "God bless you! Please take care." And he left.

After everyone had left, we continued walking to find a place to sleep. Heide carried me, because I was too tired to walk on my own. I wore Roderich's blanked around my shoulder. It was so warm that I could easily ignore the cold wind. With the breathtaking music and Roderich's generosity on my mind I slowly fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 9

_The comfort of the rich_  
 _Depends upon an abundant supply of the poor_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

Living on the streets was tough. Winter was harsh and extremely cold. The snow that looked beautiful caused many troubles. Due to lack of food everything became more expansive. The mark-up wasn't much for the wealthy, but the poor had to skip meals constantly, unless they decided to steal. I hated stealing, so I'd mostly skip meals in order to beg for money, but sometimes the hunger was too much to handle. Most of my attempts ended up with me being caught. The merchants would scold me and kick me out while the costumers who saw everything shunned me. Trying to steal never helped me to get food, however, one of my attempts was somehow successful

It was in a late afternoon in the beginning of January. I didn't eat anything that day and we were out of money. While Heide was looking for a place to stay I went to the bakery in the center. It was rather busy so I didn't stand out at all. I found my way through the crowd and got behind the desk where the bread was displayed. A woman pointed at the desk "Thief!" she yelled. The baker who was getting fresh bread out of the kitchen turned around. He looked very angry and started to chase me. I tried to run, but I tripped over one of the customers. He grabbed me and handed me to the baker.

"How dare you to take someone else's property!" the baker yelled. I remained silent, I was too scared to answer. "How old are you?" "I-I am almost nine, sir." "And already stealing, huh? Do you think it's funny or something." My stomach started to rumble. I didn't say anything for a few seconds but soon I knew what to say. "No, I hate stealing. I'd love to buy one of your breads, but I can't. If I would be able to earn enough money then maybe I could buy something one day." The baker looked shocked and put me down. "Nice talk for a poor piece of trash!" a teenage boy said teasingly. "Leave him alone!" the baker said. I offered my handshake to the baker. "I'm sorry sir you can have it back." The baker shook my hand and smiled "It's okay. I forgive you. You can have the bread. Enjoy your meal!" His words relieved me "Thank you sir you are really nice."

Two weeks later I turned nine. Things were getting better. Heide and I earned more money with begging, and I would sometimes read stories on crowded squares to earn more money. "You sure earned a lot today." Heide said proudly. "We can buy something good now!" I laughed and took my mother's hand "Come _Mutti!_ I know a nice bakery." On our way we talked about the good times. Heide told me a lot of stories about when I was little. "Do you still remember that?" Heide asked after she mentioned one of her memories. Most of the time I would shook my head. " _Mutti_ , I really look forward to spring." I said after walking for a while "It will be much warmer and the flowers will bloom. I promise you that when spring is here that I will make you the prettiest flower-crown I can make" Heide smiled "Thank you darling."

After a while we arrived at the bakery. We entered and I noticed something. Next to the cash-desk was a glass jar filled with coins. There was a note next to it, but it was too far for me to read. When the cue got shorter I could walk to the desk. I stepped forward and read the note "Please, donate to those in need." I read out loud. The baker turned around and noticed me. He asked his assistant to take over for a little while. She nodded and the baker walked towards me.

"Do you still remember me?" I asked nervously. He knelt down and smiled at me. "Of course I do. Why would I forget the boy who convinced me to become a better person?" I didn't understand it at all. "What do you mean?" "Well, I used to be rather selfish when it came to my business. Many hungry people have tried to steal my bread, just like you did. It used to make me angry, but then you came." The man took a breath. "The words you said to me made me realize how mean I'd been to those in need. After you left I promised myself to start helping them. I really want to thank you for the life lesson you taught me." His surprising words made me happy. I nodded "You're welcome." The man stood up "Excuse me young man. I have to get back to work."

"One _Kaiserbrötchen_ , please." Heide said after the baker continued his work. "Is that your mother?" the baker asked. I nodded proudly "She is really nice. She promised me to buy something good for my birthday." "Is it your birthday today?" I nodded. The baker laughed and offered me the bread "Then it's free. Happy birthday little one." I took the bread and whispered a soft thank you before I left the bakery.

"How great _Mutti_. Now we have some money left!" I said with glee. Heide smiled "Maybe we can buy another blanket soon." She offered me the blanket and I put it around my back. "Great idea, then we'll have some more warmth. I think I'll read more stories at the square, maybe I will earn something." Heide knelt down and kissed my forehead. She wished me good luck before I headed towards the square. Despite the fact that I had a heavy cold people still enjoyed the stories I told. Soon I became a well-known face in the center of Berlin. Especially younger children would often sit down to hear a story. The smile on their faces made me feel peaceful.

About two weeks later we saved enough money to buy a blanket. As soon as Heide took me to a store I noticed how expansive the blankets were. Most cost too much for us to buy, all I could do was stare at them and appreciate the beautiful patterns and the soft texture. After searching for a while, Heide found a blanket that was cheap enough for us to buy. It was a plain white blanket, yet it gave us plenty of warmth. "Thank you for your purchase ma'am. I hope to see you again." Heide accepted the blanket and left the store.

"Now both of us can be warm!" I said happily as I put the new blanket around Heide. "It's getting late now. Let's find a place to rest." She lifted me and walked around the city. Eventually we reached a dark alleyway most people would fail to notice. It was rather quiet, but very cold. "I'm sorry Gilbert. I don't think there's anything better." She put me down and leaned against the wall. "It's okay _Mutti_ " I said "We have the blankets, and we can hug to keep each other warm." Heide sat down "That's a great idea, dear. Come!" She reached out her arms and I walked in her embrace. " _Mutti_?" I whispered quietly "Did you know that your hugs are the warmest in the whole world?" Heide shook her head. "Now you know! Are you happy?" "Yes my dear." I chuckled "Good, I'm happy too because I have you to give me warm hugs. Good night _Mutti_ , I love you." I closed my eyes, before I fell asleep I heard her whisper "Good night my dear I love you too."


	11. Chapter 10

_Tragedy_  
 _Is an alive painting_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

I opened my eyes and noticed that I was standing in the middle of the square. "How did I get here?" I wondered. It was dark, despite the lanterns that illuminated the square. The people looked gloomy and didn't notice me at all. They just walked away in order to get home quickly. Suddenly I felt a thin hand on my shoulder. "Are you happy now?"

"That voice!" I started to shiver "God, please don't let this be true!" Once I turned around a paralyzing chill went down my spine. The woman that stood behind me was tall and wore her black hair in an old fashioned bun. For a second I couldn't believe my eyes, but as soon as I noticed that grin on her face I knew that it was her. "You didn't answer my question Gilbert. Are you happy now?"

"Be gone!" I yelled "I hate you Maria! Go away! Don't you dare to ever come back again!" Miss Maria laughed "I saw you begging for money. Those foolish passerby don't know that all the misery you and your so-called mother go through is your fault! Do you even realize that you are the one who ruined everything?" "Stop lying!" I yelled "This is all your fault!" She knelt down, grabbed my chin and smiled. "I can see that I have failed to silence your foul mouth. Such a shame! A waste of my time! Never mind, you were a bad boy, that's why the owner kicked you out! However, I still have the right to punish you!" She raised her hand with a cruel smile.

Just when her hand was about to hit me I closed my eyes. When I opened them I was back at the alleyway, safe in Heide's arms. "Calm down Gilbert. It was just a nightmare." I whispered to myself. My voice was incredibly sore. Just a small whisper was enough to make my throat hurt. I put my hand on my forehead. "That's a heavy fever!" I took a look at Heide who was still sleeping. I decided to lay down and go back to sleep.

Some hours later the church bells woke me from a dreamless sleep. "Two strikes, so it's already afternoon." I tried to stand up. It made me dizzy so I sat down next to Heide. "Good afternoon _Mutti_." She was still asleep. I started to shake her "Wake up _Mutti_ it's already two in the afternoon." Her body felt incredibly weak and colder than it was when I fell asleep. I started to shake her harder, yet she didn't respond. " _Mutti_ , please wake up. It's almost as if you're...No you're not dead, right? You can't be dead! _Mutti_ open your eyes!"

After I took a look at her hands, I remembered what Gertrude told me when I panicked because I felt a beat in my wrist. "Großmutti help me! There is something weird in my arm! It's beating!" "It's okay! It's just your heartbeat. Everyone has one. A heartbeat is the proof that you are alive and well." I slowly lifted Heide's hand and felt her pulse. Nothing. I held her wrist more tightly. Still nothing. "Maybe if I listen to her chest. " Nothing. For minutes I leaned against her. I hoped to somehow feel a heartbeat. But everything I tried was in vain. There was nothing at all.

After a while I decided to let go. The truth hit me, yet I refused to believe it. " _Bitte Mutti_ , wake up!" I hugged her and started to cry. " _Ich liebe dich! Ich liebe dich! Ich liebe dich._ " I yelled desperately. The grief I felt was suffocating. Breathing became nearly impossible. All I could do was yell as I hit the ground with my fist. " _Gott, Warum_? Why did you let her die. Now I am all alone! How could you do this to her? She was like an angel! Why did you take my one and only angel?!" Tears started to roll down my face. As they fell down, the suffocating grief was growing stronger. It paralyzed me and made me feel dizzy. My disease made everything even worse. My breathing was growing weak, and I got very tired. Soon I lost all my energy. Even sitting up straight exhausted me. I laid down next to my mother's lifeless body and curled up.

As I lay there on a cold white blanket of snow, I became unaware of time. Seconds, minutes, hours passed by. I didn't notice. I didn't care. All I could think of was Heide, _meine Mutter_. I thought of everything she went through. The mean insults of miss Maria, the beatings of the orphanage's owner, getting kicked out of the house, hunger and poverty. She went through all of those things, just to protect me. It made me feel guilty. Was everything that happened really my fault? An intense feeling of emptiness made me feel numb. Due to a lack of breath and the heavy fever, everything became blurry. "Is this it? Am I going to die as well?" I thought. I crossed my hands and remained silent for a while. After thinking for a long time, I said a prayer.

"My dear lord, I know what's going to happen now. You are going to take me to heaven, right? Never thought that I would be taken so soon. Most people would tell you that I am way too young for this, that it isn't my time yet. They would get angry with you, but don't worry. I am not angry, I am grateful. My life was happy for a short while. I enjoyed it so much, but then bad people tried to hurt me. Despite everything I tried my best to stay happy, but now I have lost the strength to do that, that's why I am happy that you are here with me right now. Lord, despite everything I still love you so much. Thank you for the happy days you gave me, and for those you are going to give me, amen." I closed my eyes and prepared myself for what was going to happen.

"Hey, you! Wake up!" a voice said to me. I didn't recognize the voice, it sounded as if it belonged to a little girl. I opened my eyes and looked up. Everything was blurry, but I could still see that there was someone standing in front of me. All I could see was that the girl had a pale skin and half-long brown hair. "Huh?" I asked weakly. "Oh, thank god, you are awake! Are you alright?" I coughed " _Ja_." "Hm you look very pale. Are you sick?" I nodded "Then you are not okay! Don't worry I will call a doctor!" I shook my head. "I.. can't... no... money." "I live in the orphanage near to this alleyway. I'll call the owner. I'm sure he wants to pay the bill." The girl ran away. I could hear her footsteps fade.

Eventually the girl returned with a tall person at her side. "Oh my!" the soft male voice sounded shocked. "Is that your mother?" Tears were streaming down my face " _Ja_!" I yelled. "How long have you been here, young man?" the man asked as I gasped for breath. "I don't know!" Everything started to spin. "This doesn't look good at all. Please stay calm young man! I am going to lift you now! The doctor is not far from here! We will be there soon!" Strong arms were embracing me. The man lifted me and supported my back as he ran. I could hear him gasp as he ran forwards. Soon cold sweat was streaming down my face. "We are almost there!" The man was yelling, yet I could barely hear his voice. The blurry sight began to turn black. Before I realized, my eyes closed and I lost consciousness.


	12. Chapter 11

_The longer we dwell on our misfortunes_

 _The greater is their power to harm us_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

I opened my eyes in a completely different world. It was warm, as if it was summer. My head was resting on something soft and I didn't feel sick at all. There were no clouds to cover the sun that shined in my face. I turned my head and saw that I was in a meadow where flowers were blooming. My hand reached towards a lavender. I plucked it. It smelt sweet. Suddenly I heard a chuckle "Look he is awake." The voice sounded familiar. I turned my head and received a pleasant surprise.

" _Mutti_?" Her soft hand stroked my face. "Hallo _mein_ _Herzchen_." I blinked and noticed that a woman settled down next to Heide. She had a thin face and a friendly smile. Her platinum hair and reddish brown eyes looked similar to mine. "Who's that?" Heide smiled "It's your other mother." The woman plucked a cornflower and put it in my hand.  
"Is _Großmutti_ here as well?" I asked. Heide nodded "She's inside helping your father with dinner." "My father..." I started to wonder what he looked like. "I think I should make him a flower crown. He deserves one too." Heide laughed "Great idea, but let's wait until later. You've had a long day! I think you should rest." My eyelids started to feel heavy. I slowly fell asleep as the pleasant warmth was relaxing me.

The pain, it returned as soon as I woke up. I opened my eyes and noticed that everything was gone. The warmth, the meadow, even my family was nowhere to be found. I looked down and noticed that a thick white blanket covered my body. In front of my feet I saw the end of a wooden bed. Next to my bed was a window. I looked outside to see if someone was waiting for me. It was dark and no-one was there. I was all alone in a cold blank room.

" _Mutti_ , _Großmutti_ , _Vati_ where are you? Where am I?" I cried silently while feeling panicked. " _Hilfe_! I'm scared. _Bitte_ _hilfe_!" Suddenly I heard a female voice on the hallway. What was she saying? I remained silent and listened carefully. "Father, I am deeply sorry for calling you at this hour, but it is an emergency. The boy in this room has been unconscious for hours. I-" Silence, the conversation stopped.

The door opened slowly. A nurse who was about thirty years old entered the room. She looked gloomy at first, but when she saw me sitting straight her eyes turned wide. "Oh my.." she took a deep breath. "Father, look at this." She sounded delighted "The lord has given us a miracle." A middle aged man walked into the room. He wore a plain black robe, the only accessory he wore was a wooden necklace with a cross. He smiled "A divine miracle indeed."

The man walked to my bed. He started to mumble something in Latin. I assumed it was a prayer. "Excuse me, but I think I'll go back to the church. May god bless you and give you strength young man." The nurse thanked the vicar and opened the door for him. "I'm glad you're awake" she closed the door and walked to my bed.

"I am Nurse Helga, what's your name?" As I looked away I whispered my name. "Do you know where you are?" I shook my head. Nurse Helga told me that I was in hospital. "The owner of the local orphanage brought you here. There was a young girl with him. She really wants to visit you, but I don't think that's possible now. You need a lot of rest and you might get ill if too many people visit you. I hope you understand." I nodded and watched as nurse Helga left the room.

Being in hospital was the worst. I spent most of my hospitalization in solitude. During the first week nurse Helga was the only one who occasionally came to my room to bring me food or medicine. I would reluctantly eat my food and swallow the gross syrup, just to make sure that I wouldn't get scolded. In order to kill time I would sleep a lot, but sleeping wasn't pleasant either. Nearly every single night I would have a nightmare. Most of them were about bad things that happened in the past. In the end I would wake up with mixed negative emotions. Anger, fear, sadness, regret, I felt it all at the same time. Occasionally I would have a happy dream. They made me feel happy for a little while, but waking up and realizing that everything was just a dream was horrible as well. Every day I started to sleep less, because I didn't want to dream.

After one week I started to feel slightly better. My fever dropped and breathing became easier, however, I still felt terrible. The numb feeling I had felt since Heide's death was still there. My adoptive mother was constantly on my mind. I missed her warm hugs, her comforting words, her kind personality, I missed everything about her. Sometimes I would try to distract myself by reading my book or using my imagination. Both made me think about the happy days I spent with Heide. When I closed my eyes I could see visions of happy memories before my eyes. It felt just like watching a play, with my loved ones as the main characters. I treasured those memories a lot. They were the only things that made me feel slightly happy.

"Your condition has improved a lot!" Nurse Helga said one day. "I think you can receive visitors now. Speaking about visitors, there is someone for you right now. Shall I let him enter?" I nodded and watched as Helga opened the door. A tall brown haired man entered the room. At first I didn't recognize him, but once I heard my voice I knew who he was. "Do you know who I am?" I nodded. "You are the one who found me in the alleyway, aren't you?" The man nodded "That's right, my name is Augustus. I own the orphanage in this part of Berlin. Your name is Gilbert right?" His remark surprised me "How do you know?" The man smiled and told me that Nurse Helga had told him some things about me. "Thank you for saving me!" The man smiled at me. "I'm glad you're doing better."After Helga left the room I started to ask Augustus questions about everything that happened before I woke up in hospital. One of the things I asked was what happened with Heide. "I arranged a proper burial for her. Your nurse told us her name and birthdate so we could make her a tombstone." I started to cry. Augustus knelt down and comforted me. "I'm sorry for your loss. We did everything thing we could." I took a deep breath "Thank you, now I have a place to visit her."

After I calmed down Augustus stood up. "I have to go to the children now. Don't worry I'll be back after dinner. May I ask you something?" I nodded. "The girl who found you is really glad that you are recovering. She has been talking about how much she wants to visit you for days. Is it okay if I bring her with me this evening?" I doubted for a little while. How would she react to seeing me? Wouldn't my condition shock her? Eventually I came to my decision. "That's okay!" Augustus thanked me and told me to take care.

In the evening he returned, with the girl at his side. This time I could see her more clearly. Her half long brown hair looked wavy. She smiled and walked to my bedside. Her green eyes looked very friendly. "Hello my name is Elizaveta. What's yours?" "Gilbert." I whispered. Elizaveta took a deep breath "I'm glad that you are getting better and that I can finally speak to you. Are you feeling better?" I looked away and nodded. The girl chuckled "Good! You don't have to be shy! I just want to be your friend." At that moment I didn't really know what to say. Elizaveta's spontaneity made me shy. "Is it okay?" she asked. I tried to look her in the eyes and nodded. "Hurray!" she said as she clapped her hands. Augustus smiled "I think I should give you some time to get along. I will pick you up when it's time to go." "Okay, sir!" Elizaveta waved at Augustus as he left us alone.

To be continued


	13. Chapter 12

_The earth is a huge theater_  
 _where the same tragedy is played_  
 _under different names_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

Elizaveta settled down at the foot of my bed. "So.." she was silent for a while. "Where are you from?" "I was born in Rahnsdorf, but then I..." as I was talking I started to have flashbacks about how we were kicked out and how sad Heide was when we were in the wagon. I swallowed and tried my best to stay calm. "Are you okay?" I nodded "Memories." Elizaveta looked a little bit sad "Oh sorry, shall we talk about something else then?"

She pointed at my storybook on the nightstand. "Is this yours?" " _Ja_." "Can you read and write as well?" I smiled "Yes. This is my storybook. I wrote all the stories in there!." Elizaveta gasped excitingly "Wow, so you write stories! How amazing. Do you like reading as well?" "I like reading very much. My mother and I used to..." a tear streamed down my face. "I'm sorry it's." Elizaveta gave me her handkerchief. "Here use this. Do you want to talk about it? Talking can help when you are sad." I dried my eyes and gave her a nod.

Talking about the loss of my mother was hard. Everything had still happened recently so the emotions were intense. Sometimes it was hard to understand what I said, since I stuttered a lot. However, talking with Elizaveta was also relieving, mostly because she was a good listener. Most people would respond to my stories with numerous of questions, unwillingly emphasizing my worst memories. Elizaveta didn't. She just listened to what I had to say and nodded a few times. "Is there something wrong?" I asked when Elizaveta looked away. "I'm so sorry that I am so silent. I really don't know how to react." I smiled at her "You don't have to feel sorry. I'm really grateful that you take the time to listen to me. It's fine if you want to say something, but you don't have to. Sometimes silence means more than words." She smiled and continued listening until Augustus told her it was time to leave.

Elizaveta was allowed to visit me two times a week. The time I spent with her was the only thing that made my stay at the hospital tolerable. Every single day the nurses would notice physical progress. My throat stopped hurting, and I gained a healthy weight again. However, despite the good moments I spent with Elizaveta my mental health was only getting worse. Nearly every single time I tried to sleep, I would have nightmares. They felt so real that I would sometimes roll up my sleeve to check if the bruises from Miss Maria's hits were still there. As the nights were getting longer, my slumbers were getting shorter. At some point I became afraid of dreaming. In order to prevent having dreams I tried my best to stay awake, until exhaustion made me give in.

In the last week of February nurse Helga came in to check my condition as she always did. "Incredible! You've made so much progress in such a short time. If you keep doing well you'll be discharged in next week." Mister Augustus, who happened to be there smiled "That's very good news!" I sighed "But where will I go after I leave the hospital?" Augustus patted my back "You can live in my orphanage. Don't worry it's a very safe place, with many children to play with." His words, although they were meant to calm me down, made me shiver. Safe, many children to play with, those were the exact same words that people from Rahnsdorf used to describe Gutesheim. I thought about refusing the offer, but then I realized I didn't have any other place I could go to. As I swallowed I gave Mister Augustus a nervous smile.

Three days later Mister Augustus and Elizaveta arrived with a horse wagon. He gave me some new clothes and a story book. "Elizaveta told me that you love reading." I nodded and entered the wagon. "Hey?" I said to Elizaveta. "What is it?" she asked. I whispered so Augustus didn't hear me. "Does anyone hit children at the orphanage?" Elizaveta shook her head. I smiled and felt relieved. Soon we rode past a graveyard. "Sir is this were _Mutti_ is buried?" Augustus nodded "Do you want to visit her?" As I nodded Augustus nodded the wagon. I opened the door and followed him to Heide's grave.

"Hallo _Mutti_ , I'm back again." I knelt down in front of her grave. "The kind mister who found me gave me a fairytale book. Just like the one I had when I was little. Do you want to hear a story?" I opened the book on a random page and started to recite a story. Augustus and Elizaveta were watching me from a distance. After I finished the story I closed the book. "Do you remember the time I believed those fairytales could come true?" I took a deep breath and started to cry. Elizaveta walked towards me and gave me her napkin. A little while later, when I calmed down, we had to leave. "Goodbye, _Mutti_ , I'll be back soon" I said as I waved at the grave.

A few minutes later we arrived at the orphanage. It was a rather small building, yet it looked very cozy. "Das Tannenhaus" said the sign in front of the door. "Are you nervous?" Augustus asked. I nodded as I walked towards the door. As soon as I entered the building I got greeted by children my age, some a bit younger or older. All of them wanted to introduce themselves to me. The attention I got kind of scared me. I didn't know any of the children around me. How could I know if I could trust them? Luckily it didn't take long until a maid called us for dinner.

At the dinner table I noticed how small the orphanage was. There were only eleven children. "So, you are Gilbert right?" a boy said after taking a sip of his soup. I didn't say anything. "Why won't you talk with us? Do you dislike us?" I closed my eyes and shook my head. The boy sighed. "Where do you come from?" "Rahnsdorf." I whispered. "Oh I know that place. I never went there, though. Anyway, how did you lose your parents?" Before I knew it I dropped my spoon in the soup. No, not this! Why couldn't he just ask me about my favorite color or food? "Well.." I swallowed and stuttered some unintelligible words. "Why are you crying?" another boy asked "We just want to..!" "SHUT UP!" I yelled as I threw my empty plate on the floor. "Gilbert?" Elizaveta, who sat next to me looked shocked. I looked at her. Tears were streaming down my face. "I'm sorry." I opened the front door and ran away into the city. 


	14. Chapter 13

_God gave us the gift of life_  
 _It is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

I kept running until I arrived at the river near to the graveyard. The water was very quiet that night, just like the streets. I sat down and took a deep breath before I looked around. "No-one at all. Good!" A cool wind blew through my hair. It got messier than it already was. I pulled up my scarf and breathed slowly to warm up my face a little. As I let go the grass sprouts I plucked, I stared into the distance.

"How cold is this river, right now?" I wondered. I put off my left shoe and touched the water with my toe. A small shiver went down my spine. "So cold!" The cold water made my foot hurt. But I didn't put my shoe back on. I put off my other shoe and stood in the shallow water. As the cold made my body shiver I started to hesitate. "Shall I continue, or shall I go back?" I asked myself. I took a deep breath and put a step forward. The water got deeper, but it was still shallow enough for me to stand. "Will it hurt?" I asked myself.

Soon my feet started to feel numb. I swallowed and took another step forward. As my teeth were chattering I got scared. I decided to comfort myself. " _Mutti_." I said to myself "I told you that I would be back soon, right?" Tears streamed down my eyes, still I put on a broken smile "Well, here I am. It must be lonely. Up there. All alone. Are you as lonely as I am? I hope you're not. " My tears fell down and made circles in the water. I took another step forward. The cold water reached my hips. "Don't worry _Mutti_ , from now on we won't be lonely anymore. I'm a little bit scared, because it might hurt for a little while." I took a deep breath "But don't cry! Once I close my eyes it won't hurt anymore. And when I open them I'll be at your side again. I promise you that I'll never leave again. _Ich_ _liebe_ _dich_ _meine_ _Mutter_ "

"GILBERT NO!" I heard a girly voice, the same one that asked me if I was alright when I was near to death. I turned around and saw Elizaveta. She ran into the lake and grabbed my wrist. Her grip was tight, as if she wanted to squeeze my arm. With all her might she pulled my arm as she dragged me out of the water. "Have you lost your mind? Do you know what could've happened? You would've drowned if you had taken another step!" She made me sit down and looked me in the eyes. She looked angry, yet incredibly sad. "I know." I whispered. Elizaveta's eyes turned wide. She backed off and covered her mouth with her hands "D-Don't tell me that you...tried…" before she could finish her sentence I nodded.

"No, Gilbert! No, not." Suddenly she fell down. She screamed a piercing scream and covered her face "No! don't you dare to do this! After everything that.." Elizaveta embraced me. She was shaking "Wh-When Mister Augustus brought you to hospital, I kept waiting. I h-hoped for good news. I-I was so sc-scared! I couldn't stop saying p-p-prayers. Th-Then the pastor came. He looked so sad. I-I asked him what was w-w-wrong. D-Do you know what he said? " I shook my head. "H-He told… He told me that..." Elizaveta's grip became weaker. She covered her face with her right hand and broke down crying. It was terrible to see her like that. My only friend, in agony! So scared! So miserable! Seeing her like that made me regret what I wanted to do.

"He told me that he was going to say a final prayer for you. I didn't know what he meant s-so I asked the n-nurse and." Elizaveta was breathing very fast. She was in intense panic. "She told me that you were going to heaven. I refused to believe it so I asked Mister Augustus if it was true. He nodded. Gilbert, everyone believed that you were going to die. Everyone was so sad, even the people who had never seen you. Mister Augustus brought me home that night. I-I couldn't sleep. I stayed awake all night. I prayed and prayed and prayed. The next day Mister Augustus told me you had woken up. He told me that it was a miracle from god. I am so happy that god has saved you!"

I couldn't believe my ears. "I thought... god wanted to take me to heaven." Elizaveta shook her head "No! God wants you to live! That's why all the nurses worked so hard to save your life." I stood still as Elizaveta embraced me. As her body was shaking I could feel her warm breath in my neck. I sighed " _Mutter_." "Your mother wants you as well. She would be so sad if you would suddenly die like this. So please don't do this again! It would hurt so many people. Don't you dare to... " I reached out my hand and wiped her tears away. "I'm so so sorry" I said as cried "I will never do this again, because I want to live." Elizaveta grabbed her apron and dried my eyes. "Come, I'll bring you home. Everyone is looking for you! "

When we came home everyone was sitting in a circle. The boy who made me upset walked to me and offered his hand. "Listen, I shouldn't have asked you those questions. Mister Augustus explained us how you felt. I'm really sorry for what I have done." "I forgive you." I said. "Gilbert, Elizaveta are you... you are wet! What happened?" Elizaveta told him that I fell into the water. "I'm glad you two are okay. Come sit down in front of the furnish. I will make you hot milk."

Mister Augustus put two white blankets around us and walked to the kitchen to make us milk. "I'm so sorry! If knew that…" Elizaveta comforted me "There, there. You are safe now. Take some deep breaths, and relax. " I did as my friend said and tried my best to calm down. After a while Mister Augustus gave us two mugs of warm milk. "You two should go to bed after you finish your milk. It's getting late." I sighed and looked away. "Are you scared of nightmares?" Augustus asked. I nodded. "Is it okay if I sleep in Gilbert's room tonight?" Elizaveta asked "Maybe he won't have nightmares if I'm with him." The orphanage's owner nodded. I smiled and took a sip of my milk "Thank you Elizaveta."

My room was small, but still cozy enough to make me feel calm. As I got into my bed Elizaveta lay down next to me. "I have nightmares too." "Really?" I asked surprised. She nodded "They are scary, but when I wake from them I tell myself to be calm. They are just bad dreams, when you wake up, all the bad things will be gone." I nodded "But what if the nightmare will return when I fall asleep again?" Elizaveta sighed "Don't think too much about your nightmares. Try to think about happy things before you fall asleep, then you are likely to sleep well." "Okay, I'll try." I whispered. Elizaveta smiled at me before she blew out the candle on my nightstand "Good night, Gilbert"


	15. Chapter 14

_Author's note: Finally I'm back! The last few months have been very busy. Test weeks, a fulltime summer job, and an amazing trip to Berlin and Potsdam. At the moment things are being calm again, which I enjoy to the fullest. Life as a college student is rough so it can get busy any time, yet I'll try to write and update as much as possible. Thank you for reading and I hope you will enjoy the next chapter_

* * *

 _The most important decision you make,_  
 _is to be in a good mood_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

"Gilbert, look! This one is very pretty." Elizaveta pointed at a small buttercup that was growing in the park. I knelt down and took a look at the flower "You are right. It sure is pretty, but it's very small. I wouldn't have noticed it if you didn't point at it." Elizaveta smiled "When you look carefully you can find many beautiful things." "Shall I pluck it for you?" I asked. She shook her head "No, it's too beautiful for that! We should let it bloom!" She walked up a hill and lay down on the grass "Come!" she called happily. I ran up the hill and lay down next to her.

"Don't you love spring?" Elizaveta said content. I nodded "The weather is so nice!" She nodded "Yes, and the clouds have beautiful shapes, and there are so many flowers blooming, and, and.." she said every single word with glee. Her enthusiasm for the little things made me smile. "What's so funny?" she asked when I chuckled. "Nothing. It's just fun to see how happy you are." Elizaveta laughed "Aw how sweet. Isn't kind of cute that my smiles make you blush?" "Hey! You're teasing me! Stop it!" But Elizaveta kept giggling. "It's It's just that. Your happiness makes me happy as well!" "Aw that's sweet! But Gilbert,….look at how red you are!" Her giggling turned into laughter. I tried to hold back, but her laugh was contagious. Soon both of us were crying from laughing. People were giving us looks, but we didn't care. We had fun. Nothing else mattered.

Elizaveta sighed and lay down on the grass. She stared at the small clouds that passed by. "Do you know why small things make me happy?" she asked after being silent for a while. I shook my head. "Because I treasure them." she said "Before I lived at Tannenhaus I couldn't even notice them." Her expression changed. She looked rather sad as if something was bothering her. "When did you come to Tannenhaus?" I asked. Elizaveta was thinking for a little while "I came here the day after my mother died. Which is about three years ago now." I put my left hand on her shoulder "May I ask you what happened to her?" A tear rolled down her cheek. "She worked too hard." She said. "We lived on a big farm, but it was only the two of us. My father used to live on the farm too, but he died when I was three." "I'm sorry." I whispered. Elizaveta sighed "Mom told me some stories about how my father used to be. Do you want to hear them?" I nodded and Elizaveta started telling her story.

"I don't really remember him, but my mother told me he was a kind man. He loved me so much and he would do everything to protect me. My father was a good person, but he never really felt good." "Was he ill?" I asked. She nodded "Yes he was, but not that kind of sick most people know. Most people think that things like the flu or colds are the only things that can make people ill. But my father fell ill because of his feelings. He was always sad, even on happy days." Elizaveta started to cry. I gave her a handkerchief to dry her eyes. "Thank you. Let's go home. There are too many people here." We stood up and walked back home. When we entered her room she sat down on her bed and continued her story.

"My father used to be a very happy child, but when he was seventeen his brother died of the Black Death." "The Black Death? What is that?" I asked confused. "It's a disease where people get black bumps on their body, most people who catch it die. My father couldn't see his brother during his last days, if he caught the disease he would've died too. His brother died very quickly. It took only three days. Ever since my father had been so sad that it made him sick. When he met my mother many years later he was doing a bit better. Two years later I was born. Mom told me that I made him very happy, but he still wasn't healthy. My father was still very, very sad. It would only get worse and worse. In the end he hanged himself." I put the blanket around Elizaveta and hugged her. She was silently weeping as she buried her face in my chest. I gently comforted her. After a while she calmed down and continued talking.

"After that it was just my mother and I. Every single day she worked incredibly hard to keep the farm running, yet she tried to spend time with me as much as possible. One day in May she got very sick, but she still worked hard. I asked her if I could help, but she said no. She told me that I should do what all children do; play outside. A week later I found her laying in the fields. I called her but she didn't answer. Then I put some water on her head. But she didn't wake up. She was dead. I couldn't believe it. It hurt so, so, so much. I lost my mom and I was all alone. I didn't know where to go or what to do. Luckily Mister Augustus came to visit us that day. He often came to our home to buy milk. He felt sorry for me, so he took me into the orphanage. I felt grateful that he gave me shelter, but I still felt bad. It felt as if beautiful things didn't exist anymore. Mister Augustus noticed that I wasn't feeling well, so when he asked me if there was something wrong. I told him how I felt. After I explained everything he took me outside to the flower field. He asked me to pick the most beautiful flowers I could find and told me that he would do the same. As I was searching for flowers I noticed that he only picked the small one. Do you know what he told me when I asked him why he picked them?"

Elizaveta smiled a little as a small tear was streaming down her cheek "He said that small things were as beautiful as big things and that I should pay more attention to them. At first I didn't understand what he meant, but after a while I started to look for small things that made me happy. I found many of them and realized how many good things there are in this world. The small bundles of joy that no-one ever notices can make you so happy. They are as important as all the other good things. I'm really grateful for what Mister Augustus taught me. Thanks to him I can find happiness everywhere." I smiled at Elizaveta "Mister Augustus is a good man." Elizaveta smiled at me "He sure is." "Can you imagine that I used to be scared of him?" She nodded. "I understand why you were scared. It must be hard to trust people after what you've been through." "Yes, it is." She patted my back "But you can trust Mister Augustus. He loves all the children at Tannenhaus." I smiled at my best friend "I know he does. I trust him now and I trust you too." Elizaveta looked at me with a big smile. She laughed and hugged me. "Do you trust me too?" I asked "You're my friend. Of course I trust you!"

And then we decided to go to the orphanage's garden. We played there until it was time for us to eat. Both of us were very tired, so we were glad to hear that we had chicken for dinner. "Lizzy?" I asked after we finished dinner. "Using nicknames, aren't we Gil?" Elizaveta said teasingly. "Can I ask you something?" "You already did, but go ahead!" We picked up our plates and walked to the kitchen. "Tomorrow is my mother's birthday." "Really?" Elizaveta asked. I nodded "I want to put some flowers on her grave. Do you want to help me with making a bouquet?" "Of course I do!" Elizaveta said as she winked "I know a field where you can pluck the prettiest flowers in Berlin. I will take you there!" "Promised?" "Promised!" We smiled at each other as we washed our plates. At Gutesheim I hated chores with a passion, but I didn't mind them if I did them together with Elizaveta. I enjoyed every single minute I spent with her because she was my very best friend.

To be continued


	16. Chapter 15

_I don't know where I am going_  
 _But I am on my way._

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

The next day Elizaveta took me to the flower field she told me about. It was warm outside, and there was no cloud to be seen. A small breeze passed by and made the flowers dance. "They're even prettier than they were last year!" Elizaveta said happily. I nodded "There are so many flowers here. How did you find out about this place?" "Mom and I used to have picnics here every spring. They were so fun." I smiled and plucked a flower "I can imagine that. It's so pretty here!" "Oh that's a poppy. They are my favorite!" She plucked another poppy that grew next to my foot. "Our farm was full of them. That's why they remind me of happiness." I smiled at Elizaveta "Then let's search for the prettiest poppy in the field!"

We walked around and looked at the flowers. Occasionally I knelt down to look for a small flower. They were hard to find, but once I found one I plucked them immediately. "Gilbert, what's your favorite flower?" Elizaveta asked after she plucked a whole bouquet of poppies. "I love Cornflowers, they won't grow until summer though." "I see." Elizaveta said. "When it's summer we'll pluck cornflowers, okay?" I nodded and tried to make a crown of the flowers I plucked. "What are you doing" Elizaveta asked curiously. "I'm making a flower crown. When the cornflowers bloomed at the fields of Rahnsdorf I would make a crown for my mother. This one is for her too." Elizaveta patted my back "I'm sure she will love the crown." A tear streamed down my face. I wiped it away and whispered; "I think so too"

After I finished the crown, we walked to the graveyard. It looked different than it did in winter. The sun that was shining and the flowers that grew there made the place look less grim. Some people were staring at us, wondering why kids would visit a graveyard. "Just ignore them." Elizaveta said "They don't mean any harm." I nodded and walked forwards until I reached Heide's grave.

" _Alles Gute zum Geburtstag Mutti._ " I said as I knelt down. "Look, I made you a crown, just like I always did at the fields in Rahnsdorf. I hope you like it." As my hands were shaking I put the flower crown on the grave. "Are you having fun up there? Did _Großmutti_ make you a delicious cake? Do you worry about me sometimes?"

Elizaveta sat down next to me and put the poppies on the grave. "This is Elizaveta, my best friend. She was the one who saved me when I was sick. Thanks to her I live in the Tannenhaus orphanage now. It's a really nice place, and the owner is very nice. At first I didn't like my new home. I didn't know, nor trust anyone. I was scared that they meant harm, just like Maria and Hansel. At one point I felt so miserable that I went to the lake to.. " I broke down crying and kept repeating the same word over and over again. "Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!" Elizaveta hugged and whispered in my ear. "What are you sorry for?" "For feeling sad so often. People always tell me that I should try to be happy, and I try, but it's so hard sometimes." She gently stroked my hair "Don't feel guilty. When people are sad, they are sad. It's okay to be sad sometimes. Just cry it out and remember that you'll feel better soon." I wiped a tear away, took a deep breath and continued talking to Heide.

"Luckily Elizaveta was there to save me once again. Thanks to her and all the other kind people at Tannenhaus things are getting slightly better. I even started writing again. The stories I write are sad, but maybe I will write happy stories once I feel better. I don't have my story book with me right now, but I promise you that I will read you every single story I write." I felt a raindrop on my face. "The angels are watering the flowers again, huh? That means that it's time to go. _Mutti_ I know that you are always watching over me, but I still miss you a lot. _Auf Wiedersehen,_ Please, greet _Großmutti_ , _Vati_ and my other mother for me. I promise you that I'll visit you soon."

In the pouring rain we hurried home. At one point Elizaveta put off her apron so we could protect ourselves from the rain. Unfortunately it failed to keep us dry. When we stood on the veranda our clothes were soaking. "Quick come in! Put on something dry?" Mister Augustus said when he opened the door. We entered the house and ran to our room to put on our pajamas. I picked up my blanket and took it downstairs. Soon Elizaveta and I were sitting behind the furnish. The blanket I took from my room was large enough to give both of us warmth. Despite the warmth of the furnish I was shivering. "Are you cold?" Elizaveta asked. I nodded "But it sure was fun to run in the rain together. So I don't mind it." Elizaveta laughed "Yeah it was fun. We should do that again one day." I took Elizaveta's hand and shook it gently "Definately!"

Throughout the years Elizaveta and I remained close friends. We were always together and had a lot of fun. In the summers we would often go to the flower field in Berlin to make flower crowns. At first Elizaveta didn't know how to make one, which embarrassed her. "Don't worry it's really easy, here I'll show you." I plucked some flowers and explained her how to make a crown of them. It didn't take long before she could make one by herself. "Is this one pretty?" she asked as she showed me a crown made of poppies. "It is beautiful!" I said with a smile "Can I put it on? Then you can have mine!" Elizaveta nodded and put the flower crown on my head. Ever since I would always make two crowns of cornflowers. One for Elizaveta, and one for Heide.

During the cold seasons we would often go to the library. Inside of the warm building you could smell the fragrance of old books. It didn't take long before the librarian viewed us a regular customers. Once in a while she gave us a book to take home. She told us to bring it back after three weeks, but she didn't really mind if we brought it back too late, after all, we were her special guests. "Oh my are you trying the grown-up books now?" she asked one day. I nodded as I grabbed a fancy brown book "We've finished all the children's book ma'am. So I think it's time to challenge ourselves." The librarian smiled at us "Then have fun challenging yourself!"

In the late spring of 1740 both of us were twelve years old. Elizaveta and I were playing outside, just like we always did. However, I noticed that Elizaveta was feeling down about something. "Lizzy, is there something wrong?" She sighed "Yes, It's about that woman that comes here sometimes." "What woman, the one who wore a red dress yesterday? Martha is her name right?" Elizaveta nodded. "Why does she make you feel bad? Did she hurt you? If she did I'll..." She shook her head. "No, Gilbert she never hurt me at all." "Then why does she make you feel sad?" A tear streamed down her face "Sh-she, she wants." Elizaveta hugged me. As she held me tight she whispered in my ear "She wants to adopt me."


	17. Chapter 16

_Author's Note: Well I'm back again, after a long hiatus. Sorry for being away for so long. As usual school was a main culprit but for the past few months S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder, better known as Winter depression.) has been bothering me. I took some time off writing to focus on school and my mental health. Luckily I am feeling better now, especially because the days are getting longer. School will remain busy so I might have a hiatus more often, but I will try to update as much as possible. I hope you will continue to enjoy my stories._

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 _Where there is friendship,_  
 _There is our natural soil._

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

A loud knock on my door woke me up. "Huh, who's there?" I said sleepily. "Gilbert can I come in, please?" I heard Elizaveta's voice, she sounded like she was weeping. "Come in quick!" She opened the door and walked in. The candle she was carrying illuminated the room. "Thank you Gil! Thank you very much!" She put the candle on the night stand. Her face looked red, as if she just had cried. "Is there something wrong?" Elizaveta nodded "I had a very scary nightmare. Can you come to my room? I'm too afraid to go back to sleep." I climbed out of my bed and lifted the candle slowly "Of course I can."

She led me to her room and sat down on her bed. "Shall I check if we have some water downstairs." Elizaveta shook her head "No thank you I'll be fine. Please stay here." I sat next to her and tried to comfort her. "You know that Martha is taking me to the city today, right?" I nodded. "In my nightmare she picked me up. Everything was fine, until we got into the chariot. The horses started to freak out for no reason. They started to run very fast and then they ran into a building. The chariot was completely broken everyone was crushed by the broken wood. Martha immediately died, but I.." She started to cry and wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her nightgown. Her red face had a scared expression, as if she had seen a ghost.

"But I was in a lot of pain, and it got worse and worse until I died. Then I woke up. It was terrifying Gilbert!" She buried her face in my pajamas. I slowly stroked her head and whispered to her "You know that it was just a dream, right?" "I know, but what if my nightmare will come true today? Don't dreams predict the future sometimes?" I shook my head "No, they don't. I've had many dreams about how my mean teacher came to Berlin to hurt me. But she never came." "So your nightmares have never become true?" I shook my head "And I'm sure yours won't come true either. It's going to be alright. Chariots are very safe." "I'm still a little bit scared, but. "she gave me a smile "I think you are right." Elizaveta yawned "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" " _Ja_ " We lay there without saying anything. Slowly Elizaveta fell asleep, I stayed with her until I was sure that she was in dreamland. I blew out the candle and left her room quietly.

The next morning Elizaveta was wearing her Sunday clothes. It was a cute green dress with an embroidered curly pattern. The colors reminded me of a Christmas tree. "Oh darling you look lovely today!" Martha said as she looked at Elizaveta's dress. "Are you ready to go?" "No, not yet! I want to say goodbye to my friend." Martha nodded as Elizaveta ran towards me. "Don't worry I'm going to be fine." I nodded "Have fun, today! " "Thanks, I'll see you this evening." She ran to the chariot and waved at me. I waved too and continued doing so until I couldn't see the chariot anymore.

I felt lonely that afternoon. As the other children were playing tag, I sat underneath a tree with a book I got from the library. I didn't feel like joining them, not because I hated them, but because I felt rather uncomfortable around them. For some reason I felt as if I was different compared to the other children. Boys my age loved playing sports. They often bragged about how strong they were and that they would join the army to help Prussia. I was the complete opposite of them. Reading appealed more to me than sports, and I hardly ever bragged. I did want to help Prussia though, but not by joining the army. I believed that my country didn't need war to become great. It would need peace instead.

Suddenly the children ran to the gate. In the distance I saw a blonde man dressed in a fancy brown coat. A little boy that looked like him stood at his side. "Shall I walk to the gate?" I looked at my book. "I think I'll finish this chapter first, it's only one page." and I continued reading. As I read I started to ignore everything around me. The book was so moving that I forgot about the children and the strangers at the gate. "Do you like reading?" a soft voice asked. I turned my head and saw that the boy was sitting next to me.

"Uhm, I, eh." I was stuttering and kind of confused. All the other children were so excited. They really wanted to play with the boy, so why did he come to me instead? "Yes! I like reading very much." The boy smiled "I like reading too. what's your name?" I put a leaf between the pages I read and put the book aside. "Gilbert." "Wow!" the boy said "That's a wicked name! I have never heard that name before. My name is Ludwig, can I hang out with you?" I nodded "Sure!"

We spent hours talking about all kind of things, but we mostly talked about books. It felt good to talk with someone who had the same hobbies as I. While talking we found out that we had more in common than just interests. "You know, I mostly don't talk as much as I do right now. Most of the time I'm really shy." Ludwig admitted. "Really?" I asked "I can relate to that. I can be really awkward sometimes." Ludwig smiled. "But I feel less shy around you, because you are very kind!" "Thanks, you are really kind too."

"Oh there you are Ludwig! It looks like you've made a new friend." The man sat down next to his son. Ludwig nodded proudly " _Ja_ , his name is Gilbert. He is really nice." "My name is Bernhardt, nice to meet you." The man offered me his hand. I hesitated for a while before I accepted his handshake. "So what were you two talking about?" "Books!" Ludwig said happily "Gilbert likes books too." "You do? So you can read." I nodded "Yes, I've loved reading since I was little. I also write stories sometimes." Bernhardt looked surprised "So you're a writer too? That's unique for a boy your age. What kind of stories do you write?" I had to think about what to answer. He would probably expect me to say that I wrote happy stories about everyday things. Sometimes I would write happy stories, but most of my stories were sad and slightly based on my past. It would shock him if I told him that I wrote that kind of stories. I took a deep breath "I write many different kinds of stories."

Before we knew it the sun started to go down. "It's getting late Ludwig. We have to go home." " _Vati_?" Ludwig pulled his father's coat "Is Gilbert going to be my new brother?" I couldn't believe what I heard "Huh?" Bernhardt smiled "There might be a chance. But a lot of things have to happen before we can adopt him. I still have to have some conversations with important people, including mister Augustus, but most importantly." The tall man smiled at me "Gilbert has to be comfortable around us. We have to get to know him better, so your mother and I can be good parents." Ludwig nodded "I understand. Gilbert, do you want to get to know us better? I really enjoyed playing with you!" I smiled at my new friend "I had a lot of fun too, and I'd love to get to know you better. Will I see you soon?" Bernhardt patted my back "Yes, we'll see you soon. " The duo walked away. "Tschüß Gilbert!" Ludwig waved at me "I'll see you later." Some hours later Elizaveta returned from her trip. "How was it?" I asked as she ran towards me. "It was really fun, Martha is so nice, and.." She laughed "Gilbert you look happy, did something happen?" My cheeks turned red as I chuckled softly "I think I have met my new family today."

To be continued


	18. Chapter 17

_Author's note: Well let's say the previous months were hecting. I had some harsh private problems going on and in the meantime I had to manage to pass the first year of college, which I did even though I have to resit one test. For the past few months I was very busy with getting back up and thanks to my awesome boyfriend I managed to recover from all the stress i felt for the past motnhs. I am very happy that I can update again, the next update might also take quite a while. That's why I want to tell you that the complete version of this story is on my Wattpad account (link in bio). I am posting it here so people without a Wattpad account can read it too but my perfectionist ass wants to spot and correct every spelling and grammar mistake I make in the past XD That's why updating is taking so long. Anyway thank you for your patience and enjoy reading_

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 _Writing is the painting of the voice_

 _Voltaire (1694-1778)_

Elizaveta and I spent our last day together in the flower field. It was halfway July and the cornflowers were blooming. Just like we always did we plucked the flowers we liked to make a flower crown. "Yours will have cornflowers and poppies." I said to my friend. Elizaveta smiled at me "You are going to get adopted too, aren't you?" I nodded. "When is Mister Bernhardt going to pick you up?" "In two weeks." She sighed and put her flower crown on her lap "You know, I'm very excited about going to my new home, yet I feel sad as well. There are so many things that I'll miss. Mister Augustus and his kind words, the cozy living room, the garden, but I'm going to miss you the most Gilbert."

She gave me a hug "You are the best friend I've ever had. I'm sure that I'll feel very lonely when we are far away from each other." I comforted my friend "I'm going to miss you too. But don't worry it'll be okay. When you are going to leave this evening, I will say Auf Wiedersehen. Do you know when people say Auf Wiedersehen?" "When people want to say goodbye." I shook my head "No, that's not it. People say Auf Wiedersehen when they are sure that they'll meet again one day. I promise you that we will see each other one day, that's why I'll say Auf Wiedersehen instead of goodbye."

Elizaveta laughed and let me go "Who told you that?" she asked curiously. "No-one, it's something I realized while reading a book." She smiled at me "You are right. One day we will see each other again." Her cheeks started to turn pink. "Why are you blushing?" I asked. "Because I want to ask you something." Elizaveta said as her face turned red "Well, since this is our last day at Tannenhaus I, eh would like to... kiss you. Is that okay?" I gave my friend a big smile "It's more than just okay! It's awesome!" Elizaveta laughed a cute chuckle. She gave me a hug and kissed me gently. "We will be friends forever, right?" I nodded "Definitely!"

In the evening Martha arrived. Elizaveta walked towards her as she carried a small suitcase. "Well,... I guess it's time to say Auf Wiedersehen now." "Wait!" I yelled. My friend turned around. "I have a present for you. Wait here, okay!" I ran to my room and grabbed a book that I'd been hiding since Elizaveta told me about her adoption. After I got the book I hurried down stairs. "Here!" I said as I handed her the book. "All the stories I've ever written are in this book." With a smile on her face Elizaveta accepted the book. "Thank you." She opened the book and browsed through the pages. "Your handwriting has become so pretty! Wow Gilbert, this the prettiest gift I ever had! I will treasure it forever." Martha smiled at her. "Come, it's time to go now." Elizaveta nodded and gave me a hug. Her grip was tight. "Auf Wiedersehen, Gilbert!" I patted her back "Auf Wiedersehen." After a few seconds she let me go. She walked to the wagon. "Auf Wiedersehen!" she said once again as she waved at me. I waved back and kept saying "Auf Wiedersehen." Until the wagon was out of sight.

The last two weeks at Tannenhaus were lonely. I spent most of the time in solitude underneath the oak tree in the garden. Luckily I had something to distract myself. After his second visit, Bernhardt gave me some books from a _Volksschule_ in Potsdam. He told me that I could enroll in the final class if I studied well. Unlike most children I didn't hate studying, on the contrary I loved it. Sometimes mister Augustus would help me if I had troubles with something. "Thank you sir." I would say after his explanation "I used to think this was hard, but you made it easy?" He smiled at me "You are very clever Gilbert. I'm sure you will do great at school!"

Two weeks later Bernhardt arrived. "You will write us right?" Mister Augustus nodded. I hugged the man who taught me so much "Thank you for everything! I will never forget you, sir. Auf Wiedersehen." Augustus nodded and put me in the fancy wagon. Even the inside of it looked beautiful. After we made sure I got everything I needed, we headed towards our new home. On our way home Bernhardt told me about my new home. "Our new king likes Potsdam, right?" I interrupted. Bernhardt nodded. "I wonder if I will see him one day." "Who knows?" Bernhardt said with a smile. "Do you like king Friedrich?" I asked. Bernhardt laughed "He sure is different compared to other kings, but that's okay. I think he will do some good things. What do you think?" I smiled "The king wants to help Prussia and he cares a lot about other people, that's why I like him a lot."

I couldn't believe my eyes when the wagon stopped in front of my new house. Was this big white house my new home? "Bernhardt, are you sure that we aren't lost." My adoptive father nodded. "We are not lost, Gilbert. This is your new home." "It's so big!" I said surprised. Bernhardt smiled at me. "Are you ready to meet your new family?" "Yes Mister Bernhardt!" "You can call me Vater from now on."

"Hallo Gilbert! Welcome home!" Ludwig ran down the stairs enthusiastically and gave me a tight hug. A woman with dirty blonde hair walked towards the boy and poked his shoulder. "Ludwig, you should calm down. The boy just arrived here. He must be tired from the long journey." " _Ja_ _Mutti_." Ludwig said as he let me go. Bernhardt walked towards the woman and smiled "This is Johanna, my wife." I smiled at the lady and shook her hand gently. Her gray eyes made her look beautiful and kind. "How are you my boy?" she asked. "I'm fine. The journey was okay, the horses were very calm so I didn't get sick." "That's relieving! Shall I bring your stuff to your room? In the meantime Ludwig can show you around." I nodded and gave my suitcase to the tall woman.

Ludwig showed me every single corner of the house. He told a story about nearly every single room of the house. In the kitchen he told me about the delicious meals he got every single day and in the living room he told me about the family. After Ludwig showed me our bedroom he smiled at me. "I saved the best room for last!" "What kind of room is it?" He grabbed my hand and winked at me. "You shall see!" At the end of the hallway there was a big wooden door. "Close your eyes!" I did as Ludwig said and closed my eyes so tight that I could see lights moving in front of me. "Now follow me and watch your step!" My adoptive brother led me to the room. "Now open your eyes!" As I opened my eyes I couldn't believe what I saw. Every single corner of the room was covered with bookcases full of different kind of books. Thin ones, short ones, and everything in between. "Wow!" I said enthusiastically. "I bet you have enough to read! I've lived here all my life and I didn't even read all of them." Bernhardt entered the room. "I see that you've discovered the library." "Yes, _Vater_ it's beautiful." My father smiled and took a look at his pocket watch. "We will have dinner in a few minutes, but you can look around if you want."

I walked to one of the bookcases and grabbed a thin colorful book. When I opened the book I felt very confused. Not even a single word in the book looked familiar to me. I didn't know how to pronounce the unfamiliar words and I had no clue what those strange sticks above some of the letters meant. "Huh what's this? _Vater_ this strange book is full of weird words! What is this?" Bernhardt smiled at me. "That book is not strange. It's just written in another language. It's French." I gave Bernhardt the book. "French? I heard that it's an important language. Will I learn French in school?" "Yes, but not this year. They'll teach you after _Volksschule_." "Does that mean that I'm too young to learn French?" Bernhardt shook his head. "Will you come downstairs? Dinner is ready." Johanna called. "Come, Gilbert" my adoptive father said "We should eat now."

Having dinner with my new family was very different compared to how it was in the orphanage. The table was big and full of food, but there were no other children or maids joining the feast. It was just our family. Despite the differences I felt at home with my new family. I really liked Bernhardt and Ludwig. They were my _Vater_ and _Bruder_. I also really liked Johanna. She was my new adoptive mother, however, I refused to call her Mutter because I really missed Heide. She was the only person I ever called _Mutti_. No matter how kind Johanna was, I couldn't love her the way I loved Heide. Calling Johanna _Mutti_ didn't feel right to me. Luckily my family understood that.

After I finished dinner I yawned. "Are you tired Gilbert?" Ludwig asked. I nodded " _Vati_ can you lead me to my room?" Bernhardt nodded and took my hand. " _Vati_ , do you think that I can learn French now?" " _Natürlich_!" He said. "Then why don't they teach me in _Volksschule_." Bernhardt sighed "Because they disagree with me." Disappointed I shook my head "That's' too bad." My adoptive father winked at me. "I can teach you how to speak French too!" "Really? Don't you need a teacher for that?" Bernhardt smiled and shook his head. "No, not at all. So what do you think do you want to learn French?" "Ja!" I yelled with glee. He patted my head "Then let's start tomorrow, after your first day at school. _Gute_ _Nacht_ Gilbert." I walked to my bedroom " _Gute_ _Nacht_ , _Vati_."

 **Note: Volksschule= German elementary school**

To be continued


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